Not a post; just a thought or two

No, I am not changing my image, nor am I making an attempt to engage in wildlife photography, but this cottontail rabbit has his own story to tell. The picnic table is just outside my dining room window. Scattered atop it most days is a mix of bird seed, sunflower seeds, peanuts and, sometimes, field corn. I first spied the rabbit there in the middle of a frigid night toward the end of December / beginning of January last winter. (I am a night owl, myself, and I like staying up throughout the night when is it possible and practical.) I never have thought of rabbits as being particularly intelligent creatures, but this fellow somehow found his way to join birds and squirrels on the picnic table for a snack. His advantage is being a denizen of both the day and the night, so there are times he has no competition. He will disappear for days, even weeks, then re-appear for a few days -- and / or nights –- to partake again. I have seen him there at the same time as a squirrel and a few birds have been present. They manage to get along now and then, even when we do not. I am curious how the rabbit found his way there: Did he see the squirrels and birds eating, put two plus two together and leap up on the table for a look-see? By the way, it is obvious the picnic table needs a coat of paint .... any volunteers ??

Sort of long again, kind of windy ....

Good bye, July .... month of two marriages and two divorces .... stranger than fiction .... I need to leap off a cliff, figuratively speaking, to get the past out of my mind and move on into tomorrow .... or whatever ....

Some people say/claim/believe they have found a soul mate.

I am a skeptic by birth, a shoot first and ask questions later type by training, an objective observer by belief and profession: To those who say/claim/believe they have found a soul mate, I say: Prove it.

No. Not really.

I know that is one of those ridiculous questions, like prove there is a god. (Only a fool would pose such a question.) Belief and faith in the mind of the individual are the only matters which count in such a situation because, like beauty, the existence of a soul mate or of a god all resides in the eyes (and the mind) of the beholder.

Our reality is not necessarily the same.

You believe in god; I do not; or vice versa. Big deal. Who the hell (figuratively speaking) gives a damn? Enjoy your brief time on earth and allow me to enjoy mine. (Just remember, Jimmy Jihadist, or whoever you think you are, I do not turn the other cheek.)

Reality, in fact, exists in the eyes (and the minds) of the beholders. All one has to do is to examine the devotees of Donald J. Trump and Hillary R. Clinton to realize that .... speaking of fools. (How does one aggrandize thieves, liars, narcissistic demigods ?? .... well, idealistic idiots elected the liar-in-chief, Barack H. Obama, so why not elect another wanna-be "ruler of the universe" ?? I think in this election cycle we are watching a 2016 re-make of the film, "Dumb and Dumber" .... I am referring to the electorate enamored by these two self-appointed saviors, as well as to the candidates.)

Whoops .... I am drifting. Back on point:

I frequently whine about two lost marriages and three lost "opportunities" between them. That is what makes me a skeptic, etc. That is what makes me a coward to take the leap off a potential commitment cliff a third time.

This is not the second half to the post regarding fear, but it is related; it is part of my thought processes regarding fear.

"And some men like ta hear a cannon ball a roarin'...." are words among the lyrics in the song, "Whiskey in the Jar." Well, I like whiskey in a jar (literally .... try it) and there is some inexplicably inexplicable (yes, it is meant to read that way) which overtakes me with the sound of bullets passing overhead. It creates music of sorts which lures me on as a moth to the fire. But, there reaches a point where both body and mind say it is time to move on to something else.

It probably is not a different thing than the gambler experiences at the blackjack table or the man on the motorcycle feels while darting between cars on an interstate highway. I think it is an inborn trait which surfaces as a chemical response to sound and senses. (In a sentence, "humankind" is just emerging from the stone age in terms of comprehending what makes us us .... yes, us, us .... and, as always, I am more interested in our differences than in our similarities. Some say we all are the same beneath the surface .... well, science demonstrates that we are not, and our uniqueness is what makes us marvelous.)

Uffff .... I am drifting off track again. Before shifting back, I will say once more that I am realizing legs and luck -- body and mind -- do not last forever and that time -- not our hopes or even our beliefs -- dictate the path we travel if we have the good sense to follow it.

Whatever .... this is part of the fear in my life that I am experiencing at the moment: The fear of making a bad decision in becoming closer than close to another woman. Friends .... fine, but commitment .... hmmmm ....

Irrational, in a way, is it not? Remember, only few years ago I wrote that I was like Percival and Galahad, searching for my own concept of a holy grail which would be found in the form of a woman. But, as is said in baseball, three strikes and out. And, who wants to strike out ??

Maybe, I will buy a new suit, another handgun, another Rolex and drift into a dream gazing at a few sunsets over blue water while drinking a bit of Benedictine from a crystal glass, all the time trying to forever forget sweet voices, pretty smiles and all the rest about an imaginary soul mate who might not exist and who, even if she does, I may not pursue in fear of failure. Maybe, as in the adrenalin-rushing existence where legs and luck rule, here, too, a pinnacle has arrived when it is time to move on to new realities.

Beyond that, actually, actual cliffs sort of frighten me, too -- no parachute there. I prefer the wild, blue sky and a parachute -- no fear there.