Time on my wrists, mirrors & tears

Now, you have the opportunity to see my birthday present to myself, modeled on the left arm by none other than the world-renowned White Bear. My gift to me is a Rolex Submariner. The name and the style seemed appropriate for some reason. White Bear might well wear it most of the time. We selected one with a blue dial and bezel. Blue is our color .... like the sky and the sea and our dreams and the shade of all our tomorrows. Incidentally, for his birthday, White Bear selected a watch specifically meant for deep-water diving and is wearing it on his right arm. He is ambidextrous, you know.

Look in the mirror, and what do you see?

In a comment on one of my posts a few days ago, Anita wrote this: "Many people steal and want to destroy those old things .... don't know really why .... it must be the enemy within themselves that wants to destroy beautiful things." She was referring to old, sea-going boats in Bergen, Norway, where she lives.

It is not unusual to encounter people who are self-destructive, usually in the form of alcohol or drug abuse. It is not unusual to encounter people who choose to find ways to abuse other people, physically or emotionally, or who actually engage in vandalism to satiate their inner demons.

In this day and age, it is not unusual to encounter people who have some sort of almost inbred sense of entitlement. It might be entitlement for a free education, to live in a house they cannot afford, for free medical care, to be liked and accepted no matter how rude and ill-mannered they might be to others.

My own sense of being is that I have no use for people in any of these categories.

Shifting gears now for a moment, when I returned from Poland last Spring, within about two weeks I had purchased a Chevrolet Suburban. I had sold my previous one back in July 2008, and I missed driving it. During the interim, I had been primarily driving my Audi.

Before actually getting the new Suburban, I had driven a Lincoln Navigator for a day and toyed with the idea of buying it. For those who are unaware, in this neck of the woods a Navigator is considered a luxury vehicle, while a Suburban is more of a working man's vehicle.

When the Navigator salesman gave me the proverbial sales pitch, "What's it gonna take to get you into this baby?” my reply was this: "Sorry, but it is not me. Not interested. Sorry."

With that, I kept on shopping for a Suburban, and I found one a week or so later. Most simply explained, I could not (still cannot) visualize myself driving a Lincoln Navigator. Self-identity is everything; pretentiousness is weakness, and I felt that, for me, driving a Navigator would be pretentious.

Next, I recently bought a Rolex watch. This came about for three reasons. First, I had one when I was in the Marine Corps. It was part of the "image" for those in the particular unit to which I was attached. It was stolen, and I never replaced it. (Someday, I might explain that in more detail, but I am certain few would appreciate or understand the event, so why bother.)

After that, some years later and considerably much more recently, a young lady asked me if the watch I was wearing was a Rolex. I said, no, and almost felt a bit ashamed and embarrassed because it was not. Anyway, the thought of buying another has been lurking in my mind almost daily since then.

And, now, finally, the last reason: It is my birthday in a few days. And, although it is not my custom, I thought that I might as well buy a neat present for myself. The time had arrived, in a sentence, when I could visualize myself wearing a Rolex again and not feel pretentious about doing so. The thought of a Rolex has become the reality of a Rolex.

But, I will add, it is a middle-of-the-road Rolex, one I would describe as a "working man's" Rolex. Not much gold. Mostly steel.

So, then, how are these elements tied together?

I am not certain if the world is becoming a meaner place. It is hard to accept that it could be worse than it has been in the past, but it seems selfishness -- which is a root of ordinary meanness, I think -- is spiking at the moment no matter what corner of the world one cares to point out.

To repeat two things about my self-image which I often have told others in the past and have written about here a few times, as well: What you see is what you get. Sometimes, I might sound a bit pretentious, but I do not believe that I am. Self-confident to the point of arrogance? Sure, but not at the expense of others.

What you give is what you receive with me. I often describe myself as a mirror. Show me anger, you will receive it in return. Give me respect, it will come back to you. Lie to me, your words will not be heard and you will be ignored. Offer me friendship, it will be there for you if you wish it be. Walk away from me .... bye, bye.

The question then becomes, who do you see when you look in a mirror? In relation to you, as others see you. In relation to you, as you see yourself. Who are you?

What I am saying is I believe that I honestly know myself pretty well. I wonder how many other people can say the same of themselves.

Music of the Night, et al

As for the music, make of it what you will. Allow your imagination to transport you within it. Stay up late this night, step out into the darkness of the night and see where it takes you. It puts me on my knees, brings tears to my eyes, and makes me wonder which is greater, music or the night? Mankind or Nature? Or, are they one and the same?

I wish you an endlessly curious mind, one much beyond everyday life, and to wonder what comes next .... here and there .... and to care about it ....