Better luck next time

What'cha think? Too big? Too small? The boat, I mean. I could not decide which photograph best served my purpose for illustration, so I am running both of them. I checked out this baby on Sunday afternoon. It is larger than I have been considering, mainly because I want to be able to transport whatever boat I buy (if I buy) from here to there and back again, rather than keep it docked at one marina. By transport, I mean pull it behind my Suburban, which is parked next to the boat. You can judge for yourself if this plan would be feasible. Time will tell, as it always does ....

To love him or to hate him

My mind is whirling with a million thoughts tonight.

One is that I finally realized I never have understood women. Among all the acquaintances, friends, lovers and wives who have been part of my life -- I do not believe I knew a single one of them. Of course, I am aware of the many similarities they cannot escape because of unadorned biology, and I recognized the "men are from Mars and women are from Venus" concept long before anyone wrote a book about it -- but, women remain an enigma.

I suppose I might say the same of men, because I have met very few I truly can identify with in terms of viewing the fundamentals of life. Sure, there are those men who enjoy the same books, films and music that I do; others who seek out the same manner of work; many who can and do hunt like I once did; some with the same hobbies I pursue; but I have found very few who I could love as a brother. This does not have as much to do with similar interests as it does to indefinable instincts about the purpose of life and the goals mankind should have in common.

Perhaps, that is why after a work grievance filed against me some years ago by someone I supervised, the investigator made this comment as her closing remark: "Everyone either loves him or hates him; there is no in between."

My response was this: "Do you think I care?"

Actually, I do/did care, but only in the sense of understanding why. I want to learn and learn and learn. I am mostly an observer, which is neither good nor bad, but merely means I possess the capacity to remain neutral and independent. I want to know everything, and it frustrates me that I cannot. This trait of mine sometimes also frustrates others around me in both professional and personal life.

Circling back to women, all I need in life is one woman who smiles for me and to me and at me and walks side by side with me -- and, watches my back if I might need cover. This, I often think, is an unattainable objective.

Not to sidetrack too much (although I did warn you that my mind is whirling, bouncing, meandering all over the place this evening), but there was a fascinating book which sort of revolves around this characteristic of non-committal impartiality. It is, "The Hunter," by Donald Westlake, published in 1962. There have been three film versions of it, of which I will mention only two: "Point Blank," in 1967, with Lee Marvin and Angie Dickinson, and "Payback," in 1999, with Mel Gibson and Maria Bello.

It is one of those strange instances where the novel and each film version vary considerably and yet remain absolutely excellent. It also is a story of a man who, after having been betrayed by a woman, finds another who is uniquely fitted for his lifestyle and personality.

Expand your horizons. Go to a movie tonight. Teasing .... sort of .... and, if you did not understand a word I was writing, better luck next time.

A couple of announcements

I am moving again. It is like it was at the Lake House. I tried to hold out until the last minute before deciding whether I would go or stay in this townhouse another month, and someone else stepped in and volunteered to sign a long-term lease. So, I will leave here at the end of February. And, since I am not ready to entirely commit to a Spring/Summer plan yet, this will be still another temporary situation. Almost laughable. Oh, well .... such is life.

Next, one more attempt: I have been writing since shortly after arriving here at this townhouse, and just rolled over 100,000 words on a novel. Who knows? I have tried and failed before, but you never can be certain if you are not persistent and keep on trying -- once, or twice or three times or ....

Finally, endless variables: I might have found a boat, but I am not sure yet. There are a lot of variables to this deal. I also think I might have found a house, but there, once again, I am not sure yet because there are many variables in this deal, too.

And, I also think the cornerstone for a summer plan has been set, although it is too soon to finalize the details. This makes me smile and smile and smile. The ever-present variables are, of course, in play here, as well. Variables never are in short supply, it would seem, and I have a tendency to wait until the last minute when it comes to commitments.