Sunday, July 31, 2016

Not a post; just a thought or two

No, I am not changing my image, nor am I making an attempt to engage in wildlife photography, but this cottontail rabbit has his own story to tell. The picnic table is just outside my dining room window. Scattered atop it most days is a mix of bird seed, sunflower seeds, peanuts and, sometimes, field corn. I first spied the rabbit there in the middle of a frigid night toward the end of December / beginning of January last winter. (I am a night owl, myself, and I like staying up throughout the night when is it possible and practical.) I never have thought of rabbits as being particularly intelligent creatures, but this fellow somehow found his way to join birds and squirrels on the picnic table for a snack. His advantage is being a denizen of both the day and the night, so there are times he has no competition. He will disappear for days, even weeks, then re-appear for a few days -- and / or nights –- to partake again. I have seen him there at the same time as a squirrel and a few birds have been present. They manage to get along now and then, even when we do not. I am curious how the rabbit found his way there: Did he see the squirrels and birds eating, put two plus two together and leap up on the table for a look-see? By the way, it is obvious the picnic table needs a coat of paint .... any volunteers ??

Sort of long again, kind of windy ....

Good bye, July .... month of two marriages and two divorces .... stranger than fiction .... I need to leap off a cliff, figuratively speaking, to get the past out of my mind and move on into tomorrow .... or whatever ....

Some people say/claim/believe they have found a soul mate.

I am a skeptic by birth, a shoot first and ask questions later type by training, an objective observer by belief and profession: To those who say/claim/believe they have found a soul mate, I say: Prove it.

No. Not really.

I know that is one of those ridiculous questions, like prove there is a god. (Only a fool would pose such a question.) Belief and faith in the mind of the individual are the only matters which count in such a situation because, like beauty, the existence of a soul mate or of a god all resides in the eyes (and the mind) of the beholder.

Our reality is not necessarily the same.

You believe in god; I do not; or vice versa. Big deal. Who the hell (figuratively speaking) gives a damn? Enjoy your brief time on earth and allow me to enjoy mine. (Just remember, Jimmy Jihadist, or whoever you think you are, I do not turn the other cheek.)

Reality, in fact, exists in the eyes (and the minds) of the beholders. All one has to do is to examine the devotees of Donald J. Trump and Hillary R. Clinton to realize that .... speaking of fools. (How does one aggrandize thieves, liars, narcissistic demigods ?? .... well, idealistic idiots elected the liar-in-chief, Barack H. Obama, so why not elect another wanna-be "ruler of the universe" ?? I think in this election cycle we are watching a 2016 re-make of the film, "Dumb and Dumber" .... I am referring to the electorate enamored by these two self-appointed saviors, as well as to the candidates.)

Whoops .... I am drifting. Back on point:

I frequently whine about two lost marriages and three lost "opportunities" between them. That is what makes me a skeptic, etc. That is what makes me a coward to take the leap off a potential commitment cliff a third time.

This is not the second half to the post regarding fear, but it is related; it is part of my thought processes regarding fear.

"And some men like ta hear a cannon ball a roarin'...." are words among the lyrics in the song, "Whiskey in the Jar." Well, I like whiskey in a jar (literally .... try it) and there is some inexplicably inexplicable (yes, it is meant to read that way) which overtakes me with the sound of bullets passing overhead. It creates music of sorts which lures me on as a moth to the fire. But, there reaches a point where both body and mind say it is time to move on to something else.

It probably is not a different thing than the gambler experiences at the blackjack table or the man on the motorcycle feels while darting between cars on an interstate highway. I think it is an inborn trait which surfaces as a chemical response to sound and senses. (In a sentence, "humankind" is just emerging from the stone age in terms of comprehending what makes us us .... yes, us, us .... and, as always, I am more interested in our differences than in our similarities. Some say we all are the same beneath the surface .... well, science demonstrates that we are not, and our uniqueness is what makes us marvelous.)

Uffff .... I am drifting off track again. Before shifting back, I will say once more that I am realizing legs and luck -- body and mind -- do not last forever and that time -- not our hopes or even our beliefs -- dictate the path we travel if we have the good sense to follow it.

Whatever .... this is part of the fear in my life that I am experiencing at the moment: The fear of making a bad decision in becoming closer than close to another woman. Friends .... fine, but commitment .... hmmmm ....

Irrational, in a way, is it not? Remember, only few years ago I wrote that I was like Percival and Galahad, searching for my own concept of a holy grail which would be found in the form of a woman. But, as is said in baseball, three strikes and out. And, who wants to strike out ??

Maybe, I will buy a new suit, another handgun, another Rolex and drift into a dream gazing at a few sunsets over blue water while drinking a bit of Benedictine from a crystal glass, all the time trying to forever forget sweet voices, pretty smiles and all the rest about an imaginary soul mate who might not exist and who, even if she does, I may not pursue in fear of failure. Maybe, as in the adrenalin-rushing existence where legs and luck rule, here, too, a pinnacle has arrived when it is time to move on to new realities.

Beyond that, actually, actual cliffs sort of frighten me, too -- no parachute there. I prefer the wild, blue sky and a parachute -- no fear there.


6 comments:

ANITA said...

Ohh boy interesting Fram!Its not often you tell from your personal life..So.In love again??And you are afraid of commitment??Hah!why not try to come as close that you can too the one you got your eyes on..If its a mistake when then look upon it as a great experience..(like me,,i do not open for my feelings before I am so sure about it as a rock)

But this time..in Cypruz.'Wow..the warmth goes s to my head..God Iam dreaming of what a nice thing it is to be in love..or maybe share life and travels with another person

In a second or two..then reality comes and I say hell no, not again


YesI do wonder which of the two fools will be the next president..Hillaray is soo false..Is she not??..Now suddenly she speaks for the black people..She has never visited them once in her life..And Obama speaks nicely to hear wishing for a good job with her as ruler ..Ohh boy..Then we have the hasard player Trumph..I dont now..Do i like him or not?

Every body laughted about our democratic woman..saying she was only a little fat pig doing nothing..But I am saying she do a good job !


I love the little bunny Fram!So cute !Do you really have squirrels on your land??It must be a good place you live in since you get soo much animals visit.

What about Kelly?

Was you not into a thing or two with her??

Hope you find what you are seeking for

Your friend always Anita

xxx

Fram Actual said...

I am sure some people would argue that I talk too much about my personal life, Anita. Anyway .... I usually have a reason for doing so when I do ....

No, I am not in love again. That is the crux of the question. I think I am on the brink of a figurative cliff regarding that situation: Either I should admit it is time to quit searching -- just as it once became time to surrender to the fact that I no longer had the physical ability and the skill set to fit into an actual combat zone -- so, maybe now is the time to forget about finding the "right" woman .... or, conversely, maybe now is the time to do something like you suggest: Decide to gamble and, in your words, ".... try to come as close that you can to the one you got your eyes on .... if it's a mistake then look upon it as a great experience."

Either way, I think the time is approaching when I will make a decision.

By the way, two or three nights a week I am having literal dreams of talking with a woman (I am not sure if it always is the same woman) and we are making plans to stay together. The obscure part is that I never can see her face clearly in these dreams, so her identity is hidden. It is clear to me that my mind is not ready to give up my search.

By the way once more .... I remember a few times when I teased you after your absence of a few weeks from the sea of blogs that you must have been gone because you had fallen in love again, and that you had been so busy with your new boyfriend that you did not have time to publish any posts. Remember ??

I guess it is not necessary for me to say much more about Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump at this particular time. But, in a sentence or two, I think it may take decades to undo the damage Obama has done to the United States and the world; I think both Clinton and Trump are far too old to handle the rigors and stresses of the presidency, that neither is wise enough and that neither has the political, philosophical or personal strengths to hold the country together. I also think they are pretty much morally bankrupt.

I really know nothing about your Erna Solberg, so I will bow to your judgment of her.

I have been feeding squirrels and birds year-round since I came here. Some squirrels have become so tame as to burrow into my pockets looking for peanuts. One used sit next to me while I read. Rabbits are frequent. I have a couple mulberry trees, and three raccoons spent a lot of time by them in June. I have had deer pass through, and once a coyote came marching down the street. This is suburbia, about ten miles from downtown Minneapolis.

Kelly and I came close to meeting a few years ago. We still have contact, but not regularly.

Yes, I hope we both find what we are seeking, Anita. In the meanwhile, enjoy your stay on Cyprus. Have fun, stay safe and do not forget your sunscreen !! Thank you, for coming to visit me and for your comment.

Daliana Pacuraru said...

Hello Fram!
As you know, we are in the midst of conflict between west and east. Our geopolitical position is a handicap. We do not know which will be the future. My best regards from Romania!

Fram Actual said...

It is wonderful to hear your voice again, Daliana. It has been a long time -- far too long a time.

Yes, the future is very uncertain at this moment, particularly, I would say, for nations which lie in proximity to Russia and were a part of or even "greatly influenced" by the former Soviet Bloc. From my point of view, the situation began to go downhill dramatically when Barack Obama abruptly cancelled the missile defense arrangement the United States had with Poland and a few other nations .... and, doing it without even the courtesy of prior warning to these countries that he was doing so. His action was unforgiveable. Then, came the Crimea and the Ukraine. Obama was an arrogant fool to think he could charm Dmitry Medvedev and, more pointedly, Vladimir Putin.

The future for many / most of us hinges on the election here in November, I think, and no matter who wins it the situation remains unpredictable because neither candidate is trustworthy or demonstrates strength of character.

Well, before I go on and on and on forever with my political gibberish, I will slip sideways again and say I am glad you have not forgotten your way here to my blog. If I am not mistaken, it has been about six years since our paths first crossed. I always enjoy your presence and miss your company when you are not around.

Thank you, Daliana, for your visit and your words.

Smareis said...

Uma imagem bem curiosa Fram. Deve ser um lugar agradável para um piquenique. Muito bom esses animais serem livres e poder ser alimentado todos os dias. Eu também alimento alguns pássaros no terraço de casa. É gratificante saber que eles podem vir se alimentar sem correr perigo. Gosto de animais livre. Julho pra mim tem algumas datas boas e ruins.
Sobre almas gêmeas eu acredito que exista, mais acredito que elas jamais se encontram. A alma gêmea nem sempre aparece sob a 'embalagem’ perfeita, fisicamente ou termos de circunstâncias de vida, e o fato de ela ser sua alma gêmea tampouco quer dizer que a relação de vocês seja livre de dificuldades...
Sabe que gostaria de fazer um post sobre esse tema (sorrindo aqui).
A ideia de que existe uma pessoa mágica, alguém por quem você se apaixonará instantaneamente e com quem nunca terá um desentendimento, simplesmente não é realista. O que existe, sim — pelo menos para muitas pessoas — é uma pessoa que você conhece instintivamente, com quem você se conecta ao nível mais profundo e que lhe permite crescer como indivíduo dentro do relacionamento a dois. Quando essa pessoa é sua parceira romântica, significa que você encontrou algo verdadeiramente especial. Nenhuma relação é perfeita, e mesmo relações de almas gêmeas vão ter altos e baixos. Mesmo assim, aquele laço vai ser muito mais difícil de ser rompido. Almas gêmeas têm uma maior facilidade de aceitar, até aprender a amar, as imperfeições uma da outra.
Gostei do vídeo.
Até mais ver Fram.
Ótimo mês de agosto.

Fram Actual said...

It has been so long since this post was written that it seems like a person other than myself wrote it. But, it was me, or, at least, it was the person I was then. Perhaps, I am a different person now than I was then, so while it seems familiar, it does not exactly seem to be words I would have written.

Uffff ....

I read Franz Kafka's novella, "The Metamorphosis," two or three times a year and I have just finished it once again. I think it is influencing my melancholy mood this evening. I am tired, too, inside and outside. Anyway, I am glad to be home again and working to adjust to it and to synthesize the thoughts and the experiences I have collected the past few weeks.

In relation to some of what you said in your comment, the first books my mother read to me when I was a child were fairy tales and, in some ways, it seems, they became a sort of reality for me: In my psyche, there must still, somewhere, somehow, be dragons (the personification of evil) to slay and princesses (the conceptual soul mate) to rescue. I could explain that further, but, for the moment, let us say these things still exist as a realm in my mind and a kingdom I search for just over the next mountain or just around the next bend in the river.

I agree with what you wrote about soul mates. You understand and know what reality is and accept it, I think. I know what it is, too, but never have learned how to fully accept it. I am one of those who believe in everything and believe in nothing.

Yes, you should publish a post about what you wrote to me here -- about the difference between a fairy tale notion of a soul mate and a realistic explanation of what is reasonable to expect and, hopefully, to find in another individual who will be your partner in life and in love.

I am going to slip back into the blogs slowly. This is my beginning in one sense, and tomorrow or the next day I will respond to your comment and those of others at my August 6 post. My world almost seems to be standing still right now, and my thoughts are moving in slow motion.

Thank you, for writing here, Smareis. Your presence always makes me happy, makes me smile.

Something special ....