Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Winter, Christmas, guns & a young lady in red

Back on November 30, you might recall, I ran a post entitled, "Seven, there were seven .... waiting for eight." The reference was to the number of revolvers pictured. Well, here is eight. I have had him for a while, but just got around to taking his photograph. He is a Smith & Wesson, like the others in the November 30 photograph; a Model 29-4, .44 magnum; another like the "Dirty Harry Callahan" revolvers, but with a short, three-inch barrel. This guy is twenty-eight years old and in what I would estimate to be ninety-seven percent "like new" condition. A handsome lad, is he not ?? He has been fired a bit, but never carried. More importantly, in a world where guns are manufactured in the multi-thousands and often in the millions, there are only 2,532 like him. He was a "special order/special run" for a distributor. The ring, incidentally, is my current left hand "pinky" ring; the shades have been around (like really around) and sort of qualify as memorabilia.

Some of the lyrics from
"Forever Young"
composed by Bernhard Lloyd, Frank Martens & Marian Gold

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders we're getting in tune
The music's played by the madman

Is there any wonder why she lives in my mind?

Welcome to the first day of winter. It began at 4:44 a.m. for me. The weather told me winter actually had arrived a few days earlier. When I awoke last Sunday morning, a foot of snow was on the ground from accumulations the past few days and the thermometer read minus twenty (­-20) degrees Fahrenheit [minus twenty-nine (-29) Celsius]. I dislike everything about winter other than its beauty, but I cannot imagine living without it.

I really have nothing I wish to write -- to say -- but I wanted to mark the official beginning of winter and I wanted to publish the photograph of Smith & Wesson No. 8, as I said I would .... and, I guess, I wanted to say Merry Christmas.
The season is a battle for me. I have written here before, so you may have read here before, that I have not been inside a church since I was fourteen other than for weddings and funerals. Every Christmas, I think about going to a service sort of to relive and, maybe, to reawaken the religious spirit of Christmas I felt as a boy .... but, I never have made it yet. Never will, probably. It is not important, but it is bothersome.

My memories have been working overtime lately. Too much music from the past, possibly. Songs evoke memories and bring back people and places .... faces, especially. Like right now, the song, "Lady in Red," is playing. It brings back Sandy.

Sandy was a married girl who left her husband and moved in with me. Mind you, I did not ask her. We had a few "encounters." Then, in the middle of a summer night, she called me. She had been fighting with her husband. She asked me, in a whisper, to come and get her. I did. She ran from her house to my car wearing only a nightgown. She stayed with me that night .... and, the next day, the next week, the next .... 

I went downtown to a saloon one evening, leaving her behind. An hour or so later, the bar fell silent. Imagine the proverbial "little black dress," except in red. Sandy, in such a dress -- red and short and tight -- and wearing red, spike heels, was strolling down the length of the bar, looking for me. All eyes in the bar were on her when she spotted me and when she walked over to me and when she sat down on my lap and when she gave me a long, sweet kiss. Such a moment .... is there any wonder why she lives in my mind?

That was in August. I was a poor, college boy, too non-committal for her because finishing college was my priority at the time. She eventually moved in with a girlfriend, the person who originally had introduced us, and we saw each other a few times a week. Early in December she went back to her husband and they moved to California. The girlfriend who had introduced us talked her into it, I think .... going back to her husband, I mean. The girlfriend had her own "plans" for me .... I know.

Baby, this story came out of nowhere. Well, not exactly. It almost certainly would never have happened in this post had not the song, "Lady in Red," come up on my "classic rock" radio station .... and, and, and if I had not learned a bit about the characters in a novel entitled, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being," by Milan Kundera, through reading a post on another blog a while ago. It got me thinking about "characters" in my life .... and, then, came the song playing on the radio.

This story is considerably longer and more complicated, of course. In fact, I just cut most of what I had written here from the post. One of the more "combative" elements occurred when Sandy's husband went after her in my proximity; two of the more "intriguing" elements involved me working for her mother at a resort and, much later, hoping to encounter her at the funeral of her father some years after our parting.

Sandra Kay H. was a magic girl, but magic never seems to last for me .... I still see her face clearly, smiling at me, pledging love that did not last .... an absolutely beautiful, blue-eyed, blonde girl personifying her German descent .... whatever .... so, now, back to the snow and the cold of winter and guns and classic rock and books and who knows what ....

One of those books probably will be ".... Lightness of Being." Kundera reportedly did not like the film version and said it did not do his book justice; so, I will skip the flick. I am curious, though, to learn if the novel's characters are more fascinating than my own ....

.... my own .... those who have mingled within my own reality .... hmmmm .... imagine that ....

Uffff .... "Lady in Black," just came on the radio and memories are stirring .... uffff ..... I am laughing .... no more thoughts this evening other than ....

.... Merry Christmas ....


Smareis said...

Gostei da fotografia, uma arma muito bonita.

Agora você conseguiu completar sua coleção Fram, a oitava arma.
Eu não conheço tipo de arma, mais esse me parece uma peça rara e bem conservada. Para um colecionador de arma como você, cada peça que você compra deve te deixar bem feliz. Parabéns por completar sua coleção. Muito bonito o anel Fram.
[Acho chique usar anel no mindinho da mão risos.] Então muita neve por ai? Aqui muito calor, e ai muito frio. Manda a neve pra cá, e mando o calor pra ai. Eu rindo... Eu adoro o Outono, porque não é frio e nem quente, e as paisagens são belíssimas.
Gosto muito dessa canção Lady in Red com Chis de Burgh. Essa música já foi tema de uma novela brasileira. Sou fã de todas as canção do Chis de Burgh Fram. Mais tem uma canção que foi a melhor interpretação feita por ele. (Chris de Burgh - Always On My Mind) Uma das minhas preferidas. Veja lá no youtube.

Lembranças é a melhor bagagem que a gente carrega, principalmente quando foi importante. Sua história deve ter sido muito inesquecível pra você, por esse motivo ficou guardado na sua mente depois de tanto tempo, e você volta lá e abra cada uma delas. Cada pessoa tem uma trilha musical de algum momento vivido.

A música muita vez é um alívio para algumas dores vividas. Pelo que leio aqui é a sua ultima postagem do ano Fram. Que no próximo ano eu possa ler estar aqui lendo suas postagens.
Um Feliz Natal Fram. Que a alegria da noite de Natal esteja presente na sua vida pelo resto de sua vida. Envio meu sorriso como um presente de Natal. Cuida-se com os lobos e as neves.

O segundo vídeo também é muito bom, eu gosto.
Fram até mais...

Fram Actual said...

It is as I wrote in the post, Smareis, the memory of Sandy would not have been part of it had not the song, "Lady in Red," began playing on my radio while I was in the midst of thoughts about the characters in my life vs. the characters in the novel, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being." I had encountered references to the book earlier in another blog. Had it not been for those two events, the written portion of the post would have ended with the commentary about the weather, about Christmas and about church attendance.

When all is said and done, though, I am glad the memory surfaced and that I wrote about it. It has me thinking about other elements of my life -- past, present and what I should look for in the future.

And, the guns. That episode is as I also once noted in a post some time ago. It began with an inventory of ammunition last spring/summer. I discovered I had about seven hundred rounds of .38 Special ammunition and no firearm in which to shoot them. Skipping over the details of this "project" and going straight to the end result, before I was finished I had purchased five revolvers, four of them Smith & Wesson and one Ruger, in three different calibers. All are "like-new" or "near-new," all are beautiful (to me) and all have significance and collector value.

I do think my revolver purchases have concluded for the immediate future. There are times I get carried away, and I need to practice more self-restraint in regard to firearms.

When I first published this post, the music consisted of the Sarah and Amelia Brightman recording and a Gregorian rendition of "Forever Young." After the "Sandy memory episode" became the primary focus of the post, it was clear that it was idiotic of me not to include the key to the piece -- the song, "Lady in Red" -- so I added it. I also changed the "Forever Young" piece to the version by Laura Branigan, which I greatly prefer. From my point of view, it is her song; it is almost like she is singing about her own life.

I will be certain to find Chris de Burgh and "Always on My Mind" -- and, of course, have you on my mind, Smareis, as I watch it/listen to it.

I am hoping to post once more before this year ends, probably around the middle or the end of next week. I have thoughts about my blog and my posting habits, and I want to sort them out in my mind and write what I have decided to do in a year-end piece next week.

So, thank you, for your Christmas present, Smareis, and do not worry about wolves. I do not think I will be around any in the immediate future, but I will use my snarl to frighten any away who might stray onto my path. Snow is another matter. I will do my best to avoid it, but I think it and cold air will follow me wherever I go during the next few months .... I will try to send a breath or two of cold air your way on a gentle breeze, so turn and look to the north every once and a while.

Merry Christmas, Smareis .... I hope it will be a perfect one for you and form a happy memory for you .... see you in a week or so ....

ANITA said...

Well Well.Your babies.Nice gun Fram.Eight pair og those now??Just kidding hehehhe
Iam sure you will get one to Christmas as well :)
where are you celebrating?At your ex wife or children?so much winther time you have got..Much more then we have..We actually have no snow.Ten degrees and wither storms all trough the holdays.

Lady in red and your Sandra.Memories Memoeries.Nice to read and you write damm well.How did her life go??

About movies.Yesteday i did see a special chinesee film.The Last wolf.Good movie.

I have bought my self a ton of books this year.So christmas time will be spent under a cosy carpet in my favourite chair drinking a little shot of snowball.Wish only I had a dog or a kitty cat..Well well one cant have it all.

Hope you will have a nice christmas time Fram.Thin king of you with love and friendship trough all this internet years I have known it 5 or 6 years now?
Time goes soo quickly

Greetings Anita

Merry Merry Christmas!

Fram Actual said...

Well, I think I have enough Smith & Wesson revolvers for now, Anita. Usually, I am buying Colt or Browning or Glock semi-automatic handguns because I favor them, but I always have liked Smith & Wesson revolvers and I guess I sort of lost control this time. Another for Christmas ?? Hmmmm .... I doubt it, but who knows ??

I will be alone on Christmas and I am not planning on traveling anywhere. My son will be with me here for two or three days next week, between Christmas and New Year's Day, which will be nice.

Yes, Minnesota has a fair amount of snow most winters and, always, cold, cold, cold temperatures. The north-central United States generally has the coldest winters of anywhere in the nation. Straight to the north, though, Manitoba in Canada is even colder.

Yes, Sandra was my "lady in red" for a few months. Everything about that summer and autumn seems like it is written in stone and stored in a special memory cell in my mind. She is the only married woman I ever have been involved with, and everyone's emotions were intense. I have no idea how her life transpired after she went back to her husband. There was no more contact between us.

Sandy left in December; her girlfriend called me in January and we went out once. She and Sandy had not been in contact at that time, either, and I never had contact with the girlfriend after that one date. Sandy apparently did not return from California (or wherever, if she even still was there) for her father's funeral. I have no idea today if she is alive or dead.

The memories of Sandy surface at times, for instance when I pass a familiar place or I hear the song, and there are other elements to the story I sometimes wonder about, but I always close the door to these memories and do not want to keep them on the surface very long. This story ends where it ends in terms of my presence in Sandy's life, and I always have been a bit afraid to think about where her life went after I was out of it. You can read into that anything you wish.

Yes, Anita, we have known each other a long time -- since 2009. Do the math. Sometime in the winter or spring of 2017 we will have been exchanging comments for eight years. Alexander has grown from a boy to a young man during this time. Only you and the Cuban in London have stayed with me continually in terms of commenting since a few months after I began this blog in 2009. Kelly in California and Boni in Montana were here then, too, and leave a rare, occasional comment, but everyone else has gone.

I had not heard of a "snowball," and had to do a little research. Maybe, I will try it. I usually buy a bottle of aquavit around Christmas to stir my Norse spirit.

So, a very Merry Christmas to you and to Alexander, Anita. I hope that your holiday season will be enjoyable, that the weather will be calm and beautiful so you are able to spend some time outdoors, and that Santa Claus will be good to you.

See you next time ....

Daliana Pacuraru said...

Merry Christmas ! Greetings from Romania! :)

ANITA said...

I hope christmas went smoothly for you!with a good dinner(What do you eat for christmas..turkey? )a good conqac and all good with a little puppy!

Sandra ,Sandy who is who?Is all well with your last wife(the one who has cancer)..Iam glad your son is coming for a visit..I know he likes guns too..right?!

Here christmas evening went by as always..Lots of p eople..youth and olds ones..all from different sides of the sociaty--i love it when they mingle..hahah rich and poor!

Now I am pretty tired can you imagine making christmas dinner and 1 day breakfast and and and..yes it willbe good to be alone for a day or two..
So finding back to mybooks and dreaming of the settlers in Ravenscrag Sakatchewan and south Dakota prairy and so on and so on..

Wish you all well my friend !

See you!


Fram Actual said...

Merry Christmas, Daliana ....

I am very happy to see you here .... your presence makes me wish Christmas would come more often ....

Fram Actual said...

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day have been passing well and fine and good, Anita. There is a winter storm going on, but the cold air is west and north of me -- which means here there has been rain, rain, rain and more rain. This could become a problem if cold air sweeps in from Canada before the rain stops. Then, I would have ice, ice, ice .... ice, baby ....

No, no fancy food or big meals for me. My son and I probably will be eating steaks when he arrives in a few days. As for "liquid refreshments," I had a Tom & Jerry last night and three or four (hmmmm) drinks of "snowshoe grog" mixed with Coca-Cola. Snowshoe grog is a shot of brandy and a shot of peppermint schnapps.

There is a college -- St. Olaf College -- founded by Norwegian settlers about thirty miles from where I live. Each Christmas, some of its choirs travel to Norway and perform with Norwegian choirs. Last night -- Christmas Eve -- I watched a broadcast of the St. Olaf choirs performing Christmas music with the Norwegian Girls Choir (Det Norske Jentekor). I enjoyed it very much .... I love Christmas music.

Well, Sandra is Sandy. She is/was an unhappily married young lady with a baby who I met through a common friend. We started seeing each other at gatherings, parties, whatever, and one thing led to another. Had the situation been just a bit different, we might have married.

My former wife is getting along well with no new reoccurrence of her cancer, but signs are that it will be reoccurring at some point and, almost certainly, further treatment will be needed. We rarely see each other these days, and speak on the telephone only two or three times a month.

Yes, I can imagine you are tired after Christmas preparations and would welcome some time to yourself. Apparently, Alexander is off somewhere leaving you alone, and that you have no "dog-sitting" tasks, either, at the moment. Right now, it is like a monsoon outside for me. I am glad it is rain and not snow. So, I will join you in reading a book.

Take care, Anita, enjoy your free time and do not work too hard when you return to your duties. Thank you, for being here and for spending part of your Christmas Day writing to me. Yes .... see you, sooner, rather than later, I hope ....

Fram Actual said...

Anita .... I just added a bit more music ....

Look to the end of the post ....

Katedralen danner en storslått bakgrunn for en spesiell korkonsert. St. Olaf Choir fra Minnesota er et viden kjent kor som synger sammen med Nidarosdomens jentekor.

Det er hundre år siden det amerikanske college-koret besøkte Norge for første gang. (Christmas in Norway with the St. Olaf Choir)

ANITA said...

Very nice Christmas son Fram!Really beautiful!

Here we start dinner at 17 a clock..with "Sølvgutten synger julen inn"They sing every year on television..

-it has been a tradition as long as i have lived..The we eat with akavitt(so we can eat more haha)
the we have desserthomemade Multekrem which i picked high up in the mountains in autumm ,Its made by mixing cloudberries with whipped cream and sugar. It is common to serve the Multekrem with Krumkake or Kransekake. (homemade)

Then about 19 a clock its time for presents with a good sigar!It goes on for many many hours--some takes even a good nap because they had eaten too much!We have good time!

Someday i shall invite you!

Its very nice to hear you days went by good.Love to hear you speak norwegian!I smile!that snowshoe brandy seems nice to drink!I have got a Sankt HalvardLiqueur that is good for everything!

Ok Fram.
I have to go to the so called «Brustad-bu».It is a little store you can buy littl things like milk bead butter..beacuse all the shops here around are closed..We are expecting the storm Urd representing female beings who rule the destiny of gods and men. They roughly correspond to other controllers of humans' destiny, the Fates.


Hope not my internet goes!

Ok take care !

Pss.what are you reading now??

Big hugs!

ANNA said...

Felices fiestas
Gracias por tus visitas en mi blog es mucho de agradecer.

Fram Actual said...

You celebrate the holidays with quite feast, it would seem, Anita.

Holiday meals have varied for me at different periods of my life. When I was a boy, the foods focused around the tastes of a German grandfather and a Norwegian grandmother. Lutefisk (for those who could handle it; I could not), mashed potatoes and meat balls were the center of the Christmas Eve meal, while goose, more mashed potatoes and more meat balls were the focus of Christmas Day. There always were plenty of pastries, too. I remember your krumkake and I would eat lefse from sunrise to sunset. I still buy lefse when I find it.

If you have lefse ready, I will come an hour or two before the main meal to practice eating a bit !!

My storm was rain. I rarely have seen so much on a winter day; almost always December precipitation comes as snow. The cold weather did arrive last night, and today walking in my back yard was like walking on a frozen lake. Ice entirely covers the ground, and is about an inch thick.

I am not familiar with your Saint Hallvard, but I might look for it. Liquor stores here often carry an abundance of European drinks.

What I am reading .... well, this probably will not surprise you, but I am reading what are called catalogs of both Smith & Wesson and Colt firearms. They are like encyclopedias. I wish to learn as much as I am able about details and variations of these types of firearms since their beginnings in the mid-1800s and up to today. Actually, I am trying to memorize all I am able.

In terms of fiction, I am reading a novel by Robert Harris, "Archangel," about Joseph Stalin. I have spoiled it to a degree by having seen the film. And, I periodically pick up a novel about the CIA which I hope to finish before much longer: "The Company," by Robert Littell. Again, I have seen the film and read parts of the book out of sequence. It seems to me to be as much history as fiction.

So, while you are finishing leftover pinnekjott, Anita, I will drink a bit of snowshoe grog and think about eating a steak dinner or two (or three) in the days ahead. Thank you, for coming and for writing a nice note to me.

See you when it is time for dessert ....

Fram Actual said...

Well, Anna .... a very Merry Christmas to you, as well.

Thank you, for coming to visit me here and for the holiday wish. I tried to "find my way" back to your blog to return the greeting in person there, but I was unable to do so .... I will try again tomorrow ....

Smareis said...

E ai Fram? Como passou o Natal?
O meu foi tranquilo, muito calor por aqui.
Desejo um maravilhoso 2017 pra você e os teus. Que no Ano Novo todos seus sonhos se realize. Esse é meu desejo do coração. Paz, saúde, alegria, que 2017 traga pra todos nós.

Eu percebi que você não conseguiu entrar no blog da Anna. O perfil dela esta fora do ar, eu tentei também algumas vezes mais não consegui entrar pelo perfil. Ai lembrei de uns comentários dela mais antigo no meu blog que trazia o link do blog dela. Acessei pelo link. Não sei porque ela tirou o perfil do ar . Esse é o link dela.

Feliz 2017 Fram tudo de bom pra você
Muitos sorrisos pra 2017.

Smareis said...

Deletei o comentário acima porque tinha digitado errado o ano risos. Desculpa Fram!

ANITA said...

Learn to eat a lefse????hahahahahha!!Very funny!!

I make them for you!

Science fiction books?Noo nope for me..The only ones i have read of that kind oflitterature is 1984 and Animal Farm by George Orwell

Now iam digging in to stuff from the settlers from Norway in Alberta and Roselyn in South Dakota.I would like to visit the place.

Is there coming a new years note?
Ii wish you a happy new year to you and family

Takk for mangen gode og fine meldinger i årene som har gått.

Vennlig hilsen Anita

Fram Actual said...

Yes, it is me. I finally am here at this post.

Christmas was so long ago, it seems, that I cannot recall it clearly, Smareis. I was alone, so, for that reason if for no other, I am certain it was peaceful and quiet, and I enjoyed the tranquility that comes for some of us as Christmas Eve seamlessly slips into Christmas Day.

I understand about Anna and her blog. I have not made another attempt to visit her blog, but, eventually, I will do it.

I think your other message about a deleted comment refers to another post. I saw one there, and cut all mention of it.

I have thought more in terms of the concept of being alone which you wrote about in your comment to that aforementioned post (my, that sounds formal, does it not ??) and, rather than expand on it in my own comment, I think I will wait and write about it another day.

Finally, once more, Smareis, I send my wishes that you and your family have a prosperous, beneficial, enjoyable and safe 2017 ....

Thank you, for being here, Smareis .... you know how much I value your presence ....

Fram Actual said...

Well, Anita, I can assure you I am a champion lefse eater. Just butter on it -- no jam, no sugar -- just lefse and plenty of butter.

Many, many great science fiction books exist. I am not referring to fantasy fiction in this regard, although there are many extraordinary books in this style, as well. Here are some of my favorites:

"Earth Abides" by George Stewart
"Time and Again" by Jack Finney
"Way Station" by Clifford Simak
"The Search for Joseph Tully" by William Hallahan

You will note (maybe) that none of these books were written by a "major" writer in the genre. That is because none of the "big name" writers in this category are among my favorites.

Anyway .... Roslyn, South Dakota .... hmmmm .... only about two hundred people live there. The Dakotas, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin .... these places were filled with Scandinavian immigrants once upon a time, and their descendants live here today. Who knows? It is possible you have ancestors who are living here. It is fascinating to read about the immigrants and their times and their tribulations.

Well, as you have learned, there was no post from me to mark the passing of 2016 into 2017. I had planned one, but never completed it. My son and I were together for a few days, and we spent some of the time in northern Minnesota around Lake Superior.

And, for you, Anita, I send my wishes that you and Alexander enjoyed New Year's Eve and Day, and that your coming year will be filled with good experiences and good fortune and good health. Thank you, too, for the many nice words you have "spoken" during your visits to me here and in response to my visits to you.

Here we go again .... another year awaits us ....

ANITA said...

Thank you Fram..I didnt like you stayed alone you was christmas time..but iam glad you enjoyed your weekend with your son at the lake..i hope he visit you more often!
Have copied the books you mentioned for me..I will look them up..Today I got a delivery with books as The son by Philip Meyer,John Steinbeck East of Eden and of course my fav writer Mikkkjel Fønhus ,Wolf

(Here in Norway its a huge debate aroound shooting wolfes or not.We have decided to not shoot them but of course you see the farmers are very very mad)its so crazy it can bend over the Norwegian parliamentary election, 2017 of Erna Solberg..Yes its crazy!

So its early to bed in this cold we are having with A duvet (type of bedding consisting of a soft flat bag filled with down, feathers)

Now its a new year.I hope for you that you will have a nice woman this year.Someone to love and cherish .Take care of you!

Ok Fram see you in your next post..I have written so many emails to you know its all embarrassing

See you and waiting for your new post

Happy New Year 2017



Fram Actual said...

It is late. I returned home only a short time ago, and I did not see your comment until now, Anita.

I spent most of the afternoon and evening with another "gun collector," and ended up buying one of his revolvers. This one is seventy years old and looks like it has been carried and fired every day of its "life." I like old guns the most, but usually look for ones that have been fired little or never and appear to be new. This time, I fell for one that really has history to it, to judge by its appearance. I often say I wish old coins, old jewelry, old books, old watches, old guns could speak to me of where they have been, who has held them and if there is anything new under the sun.

You have quite a list of writers and books. I was not familiar with Philipp Meyer. I read a bit about his novel, "The Son," and might look for it, but, to appear arrogant, it sounds like he is a city man who had to study to learn what country boys learn quite naturally, quite young. In other words, the story sounds contrived, rather than real.

I never was "in love" with John Steinbeck, but I see his books as history as well as part of the "American story" and think they are invaluable. Look for Mari Sandoz and Willa Cather (Pulitzer Prize winner) to discover women writing about similar times. Those two young ladies were absolutely marvelous, fantastic writers.

I do need to search out your Mikkjel Fonhus. He sounds more real to me than does Meyer, for instance. I know you have mentioned him before, but I never have really, really looked for him.

I am a bit of a radical in terms of the environment and wolves and all that is Nature and within Nature, and I do not want to think about it more right now.

As for Christmas, I have been alone for most of them for a few years now. Maybe, for all of them .... forever. I am teasing now. It does not bother me.

I use a goose down sleeping bag as a blanket in the winter. It has been with me a number of years, and during some frigid times in ice houses on frozen lakes in blizzards. I relish such experiences; I like to yell into the wind during a storm. I like to dare Nature ....

Well, I do not know whether or not I should wish that the man of your dreams enter into your life this year, Anita. I guess I do. I am certain you deserve a companion who will be all you hope to find in a man. As for me, I can no longer explain myself. I think I am lost in a maze of my own creation. Whatever .... do not be embarrassed about writing to me .... do not be embarrassed about anything, ever .... I think you have great strength ....

I am not sure when I will post again .... my mood is not right for it .... maybe, about mid-January, unless something comes out of the blue before then.

Thank you, Anita, for being here .... your presence is my good luck, I think ....

Something special ....