Friday, January 9, 2015

Sort of military rules of engagement

(Editor's Note: I have a friend who once was an officer in the U.S. Army [Yes, I occasionally do associate with Army-types.] and who recently sent me an email entitled, "Military Rules of Engagement." As he points out, it obviously was written by a Marine or a once-upon-a-time Marine. As some of you might recall, January 24 is the anniversary of signing my name on the dotted line with the U.S. Marine Corps. I thought I might run this email then, on that "magical, mystical, mysterious anniversary day" [Yes, I am trying to be funny.], but I am having a rough month and decided I cannot wait until then. [Who knows where life will have taken us by then .... and, I need a few laughs now ....] I will add that while this piece undoubtedly will offend a few who are devoted politically correct individuals, it is pretty typical of military humor and the "good-natured" insults that go back and forth between members of the various branches of the U.S. military. How much truth is involved here, how much sarcasm, how much silliness .... well, I will leave it to you to decide. So, here is your choice: Either laugh with us or point your nose higher in the air and stop reading right now. By the way, there is a "part two" to this; I am not certain I will run it .... political correctness .... bah, humbug !! And, while there is no illustration today, there is a bit of rock music with some absolutely fantastic guitar work by Michael Schenker to accompany the words. So, here are the "rules of engagement" as someone, somewhere believes them to be .... semper fi, baby ....)

US Marine Corps Rules:
1.   Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2.   Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3.   Have a plan.
4.   Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5.   Be polite.  Be professional.  But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6.   Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'
7.   Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice.  Ammo is cheap.  Life is expensive.
8.   Move away from your attacker.  Distance is your friend.  (Lateral and diagonal preferred.)
9.   Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary.  When possible, protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win.  The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

US Army Ranger Rules:
1.  Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2.  Locate individuals requiring killing.
3.  Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4.  Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5.  Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:
1.  Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2.  Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3.  Curse bitterly.
4.  Curse bitterly.
5.  Do not listen to 2nd Lieutenants; it can get you killed.
6.  Curse bitterly.

US Air Force Rules:
1.  Have a cocktail.
2.  Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3.  See what's on HBO.
4.  Ask 'What is a gunfight?'
5.  Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
6.  Wine and dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD and defense industry executives.
7.  Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8.   Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9.   Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict, but close enough to have tax exemption.
11  Always have ICE CREAM.

US Navy SEAL Rules: 
1.  Look very cool in sunglasses.
2.  Kill every living thing in sight.
3.  Adjust Speedo.
4.  Check hair in mirror.

US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Insert SEALS.
4. Deploy Marines.
5. Launch Aircraft and Missiles 350 miles away from fighting.
6. Drink more Coffee.
7. Shout: Go Navy!


ANITA said...

Ohh boy there is always something to laugh about!What rules!Some to learn of and some are just cruel..wooooowwwwwwww!

I say there is some sexy stuff in all of them..look cool in sunglases ohh yea!

Cool music!

ANITA said...

Heres a good movie from yesterday night!Good.Pearl Jam -release is good too:))))

Out of the furnace

Fram Actual said...

The branches of the U.S. military are competitive in many ways, Anita, and the Marine Corps, especially, likes to think of itself as a "stand alone" force with its own ground troops supported by its own air wing. Consequently, language between the branches often is rude and sometimes is crude.

I am not certain I will publish the other segment of this email. Some of it is the polar opposite of political correctness, and I still like to think of myself as a gentleman first and an opponent of political correctness second.

Thank you, for coming by to see me, Anita, and I will check out your Pearl Jam suggestion.

ANITA said...

Goodmorning Fram.
First i have to thank you for the comment you wrote to me on the update about truly are a good friend.Many dont dare to comment.Or they simply dont like it.I dont care.i write what I like and feel i have to share.I think you do the same.

Take a look upon this site I am linked up to. suprise me alot.

I think you should write more about your happenings during your war time Me love it.I know you have a lot to share and let us learn from.
Well thanx agian..Now Iam out to do my nature photoes hehehe..seems people like that stuff more!
Have a nice day and kiss kiss on the cheek!(as a friend)(or sister hehe)

Greeetings Anita

Fram Actual said...

Your interest in the military and especially, it seems, in World War II is unusual and sort of fascinating, Anita. All history interests me, but war often is more intriguing for any number of reasons.

Incidentally, I did take a brief look at the page you recommended and will take a closer look another time. It is a football playoff day here, which means my computers rest unattended while three televisions are hard at work.

This is the second time I recall you asking me to write about personal experiences in regard to war. Just a few sentences before that, you had written: "I write what I like .... I think you do the same." Yes, I do the same, which means if I wanted to write about such experiences I would have done so long ago. There are many things in our lives we do not speak of or write of or even think of unless there is compelling reason.

Well, I think I will return to a football game now. Two today; two tomorrow. Thank you, for being here. I hope your search for nature photographs was successful because I look forward to seeing more of them on your page. With the advent of digital cameras, computers and the internet, this truly has become the age of photography -- and, you excel at it, Anita.

P.S. I will never think of you as a sister ....

A Cuban In London said...

I was about to comment on the second part of your post when I noticed the first part beckoning me over. Be courteous but not friendly. That's me, me ol' boy.

Greetings from London.

Fram Actual said...

And, always have a plan, CiL. Do not forget that.

It is nice to see you back sailing upon the sea of blogs. I am afraid it will be Monday London time before I stop by to read your new post. Football games command the clock in the U.S. today.

Something special ....