Saturday, August 13, 2011

Some came running

Since I am not much of a photographer but like to include an illustration with each post if I can come up with something, today we return with a bit of history to accompany another view of the one and only White Bear. I am sure you can easily identify him, but unless you frequented these pages in 2009, you probably have not seen Fram Teddy Bear, pictured here on White Bear's right. This photo was taken about this time of the year when Fram Teddy and I ventured to Lake Superior on a brief excursion. Fram Teddy ran off to Europe in August 2009, and he likes it so much he has never returned. Of course, he does have a girlfriend there.

An hour ago,
the ending of this
post was very different ....

I watched a film on television a few days ago. The name was, "Some Came Running." It was based on a novel by James Jones, whose name I immediately recognized. He was one of the finest novelists of his generation, in the minds of many. Frank Sinatra, whose name I also immediately recognized, had the lead role. He was among the best singers and actors of his generation, in the minds of many. Shirley MacLaine and Dean Martin also had prominent roles. The film was made in 1958, and is considered a bit of a masterpiece today. It was nominated for five Academy Awards. These things I did not know before doing a bit of research.

It is the story of an aspiring, non-conformist writer who returns to his home town after World War II, the two women in his life and the one he eventually chooses. There also are more twists in the story: Conflict between brothers and small-town morality, for instance. In the book, Prince Charming dies at the end. In the film, Cinderella dies at the end. It is what takes place among the characters between the homecoming and the shoot-'em-up ending that is fascinating. (I do not believe I have used that word -- fascinating -- for a long while.)

With the discussion about fantasy, reality, ideals and other esoteric elements surrounding life and living which have taken place on this page recently, I tried to place in context my thoughts with "reality" as depicted in the film.

Siding sideways for a moment, to be honest I have been more interested in European women than in American women the past few years. In theory, anyone who knows me would understand this. Since theory frequently escapes immediate notice, I will elaborate. In the sense of women, period, I have given up on trying to understand them. But, in the sense of curiosity and learning about varied cultures and societies, period, American women have nothing left to offer me. On the other hand, European women, who have grown up, been educated and lived their lives in a setting alien to my experience have so very, very much to teach me in terms of pure knowledge. Not very complicated, actually, but sometimes the obvious is not always obvious to those who are not hunters or professional observers.

It finally dawned on me that in the cocktail of life, there are too many possible ingredients to mix the perfect drink (potion) to suit the taste of everyone. With that determined, I have now concluded that it is better to find love than it is to discover intellectual compatibility. I might be wrong, but, who cares? It will not be the first time. Such is life.

If you do not understand where I am going with this, I would suggest you find the novel or the film, "Some Came Running," and the conclusion to this post should become plain as day. The only difference is that my story has both Prince Charming and Cinderella living happily ever after.

Are we returning to fantasy, reality, ideals and other esoteric elements surrounding life and living? I guess. But, this time the tale might be about two people whose searches have come to a satisfactory conclusion, rather than about a lone individual who seeks a Holy Grail when, in actuality, he knows it (she) does not exist. At least a million years of existence have proven that.




14 comments:

Peggy said...

Fram, what a wonderful musical selection tonight! Sunshine of Your Love is one of the finest songs of it's era. I must admit, I have a real soft spot for psychedelic rock hits from my growing up years.

Arrived at Shangri-La not too long ago and went out for a walk by the full moon - it is a glorious night up on Georgian Bay.

I read your post tonight with great interest and as a consequence, I now have to go find either the book or movie as your lead in to the plot and reference to your own life parallel has me curious. Also, sounds like a great oldie to watch.

So you favour European women, eh? I could feel slighted, but to tell you the truth, you brought something to light about my own choices in men.

I hadn't actually thought about men in that context (i.e. North American vs European), until now that you mention it.

Actually, truth be known I have tended to date men who are not originally from Toronto - I guess if I were enumerating there would be a German, a Russian, a Greek and a Quebecois (who doesn't count as North American as Canadian French folk are really not the same as the English)each of with whom, I had long term relationships with. So maybe unconsciously I have been seeking out European men. LOL whose to say?

In any event, maybe you have something there - I have been seeking out a Torontonian to date but maybe I should fling my net wider.

In any event, I will have opportunity next year. Maybe I will meet the love of my life as I walk through Spain and travel about through Europe simply because there are the sort of men I am attracted to in greater numbers over there. Interesting thought.

Lastly, in response to your comment "it is better to find love than it is to discover intellectual compatibility". That would never do for me, if I cannot have a decent discussion of intellectual merit with my mate I could not be happy - been there, done that - didn't work - and so intellect is right up there at the top of my list. That said, I do not expect to have to do without love to find an intellectually compatible partner - I want it all or nothing - and I think I (and you for that matter) should be able to have them both.

Fram Actual said...

I was ready to write this: Friday night and the lights are still on in Toronto, but I guess I would have been a hop, skip and a jump off in distance.

Greetings, Peggy. I think I slipped another song from this concert in after your visit. I would love to include the entire concert. I have listened to it twice on public broadcasting, and it is absolutely great (I think).

A few years ago, I asked a salesgirl in a music store who looked to be about sixteen (a little kid, to me) if the shop had a CD with Cream that included the song "Green Door." She replied, "Oh, I think you mean 'White Room'." That is when I knew my taste in music was just fine.

Now, read carefully what I said in my post. It is not the European woman in herself which appeals to me more than any other woman (I probably will be in real trouble for saying that), but it is her (the European woman's) background, her knowledge. I wish to experience her life through her. Sound mercenary? Well, I am so thirsty for experience that I cannot help myself.

In terms of relationships, our experiences are different. I have had my two marriages, two, or, maybe, three other women I would have married if circumstances had been a bit different, and none of the non-marital relationships lasted more than a few months.

My "intellectually compatible" relationships have largely been friendships. This probably is because when I encounter a woman whose intelligence and knowledge is greater than my own, I want to talk, discuss and argue all night rather than go to bed with her.

(That comment is at least three-quarters serious, and would make an interesting post if I dared to do it. Discussion vs. sex with the ideal mate. By the way, I do have three children, so I do other things besides talk at night.)

If you do read the book or watch the film, "Some Came Running," you will understand exactly what I was writing about in regard to "love" vs. "intellectual compatibility." I do not wish to give away the story line in the book/film, but I found the conclusions drawn there fascinating. (To use that word again.) It made me rethink my "goals" in this sense.

I guess what I was saying is that I am coming to the point where I think love is the most important element in a relationship, and anything after that is secondary.

Who knows? It could be I will change my mind next week, but for tonight ....

Peggy said...

Friday night and the lights were still on - when will they invent those teleport machines, eh? Nice thought. :)

Thanks for adding the last tune - a great selection! It has been a while since I listened to any Cream and you remind me how good they are... still. Since "my Cream years", I have listened to Clapton a lot, but have sort of forgotten about Cream (so much good music - so little time to listen). It is nice to spend some time listening and remembering this great music.

I won't debate with you the importance of love and in the final analysis all of my relationships started with a yearning and a passion and a caring that at the time overpowered the intellectual component. But for me, I have found that my choice of men to become close to has (I think unintentionally) been mainly men who I could have a good conversation with after the passion has been spent- or at least until it is recharged. I have had quite a few (I venture to say probably more than my share) passionate and deeply loving multi year love affairs. Two of these ended in marriage. All of these relationships left me with men friends who are more like brothers to me today than anything else. This has made me feel blessed and I tell myself if there is no more romantic love in my cards at least I want affection and companionship in a "golden years" marriage and that necessarily for me would me a certain amount of intellect to sustain interest.

The one enduring relationship I have had which did not involve someone who I would consider my intellectual equal, was a tremendously tumultuous and in the end "it was the best of times and the worst of times". The Greek was clever like a fox but not well educated - though he had a BA (soccer scholarship) - nor interested in intellectual pursuits. He brought other things to the table though - a joie de vivre, and a nurturing sort of love (at least on his good days), which I have not experienced since. Experiencing the Greek culture first hand was also an education - so I understand your comment "thirsty for experience".

It has been a couple of years now since I have the spring in my step that romantic love brings with it - I hope that you and I both soon find the next great love in our life journey. I know I am happier when I have a romantic partner - and you have made it abundantly clear that it is your goal also.

I am impatient for love at this point (2 years is too long to be without it) but it has been my experience that when I stop looking for love it walks up to me and hits me over the head. My plan is to put aside thoughts of love and just live. Hence my plan to travel 6 months next year.

I am off now to put together a little blog for my site - so I will end with an inspirational quote which explains why we don't give up in despair and retire to a monastery.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
Lao Tzu

Fram Actual said...

Yes, I, too, I have enjoyed Eric Clapton's music over the years, Peggy, but he was a member of so many bands with so many other musicians coming and going that I cannot always recall which songs were by which group or when.

Cream and Derek and the Dominos are the two groups which stick in my mind because, I think, Clapton's music from those periods includes my favorites from among his work.

It was interesting to read about your experiences with men. My two marriages were sort of typical in the sense that most of both wive's interests and activities involved doing things with girlfriends, while most of my interests and activities involved doing things with guys. Or, for me, often doing things like hunting or canoeing by myself.

When I think about it, my second wife and I even did "separate vacations" at times. She and our daughter would go to places like New York City or Europe; I would go off in a canoe or, on two occasions, participated in archaeological digs as an amateur volunteer. She definitely was not the outdoor type.

Remembering back to those days, the one common interest I had with both my wives was art, and both of them were quite accomplished as amateur artists.

In any event, yes, I hope we both find the special person we are looking for to make our lives more complete -- or, in the very least, that we have enjoyable times carrying out our searches.

Kaya said...

Hello Fram,

I envy your little Teddy Bear. Look how pampered and probably spoiled he is. Very stylish and very cute on these pictures. Fun pictures. Love them a lot.

I have never watched the film "Some Came Running". I will. It sounds great.

And.... I go right to the point. European women?.... That would be not so difficult to figure out your interest about them. What about American women? Why don't they have much offer to you? Of course, I don't know much about American women and I am just very curious.

Sometimes, Fram I think men know and understand. us, women, better. Of course, you might have different opinion.

I would like to share with you something. Yesterday, I was discussing with a writer his idea of a new book ( about women ) and his working title. When I heard the name of title and a wonderful promise to get this book free when it will be published I bursted into a laugh, absolutely impolite laugh.

Are you sitting Fram? Are you ready to hear the title of this book? I guess you are. The title of the book is "Cheating is self-counseling". I can't get this title out of my heard. Very provocative.... And absolutely controversial.. Just wanted to share it with you.

I enjoyed listening to the first song. I listened it twice until I moved to other songs. They are all very good, Fram.

You also mentioned about inspiration that it is also momentary. Yes, that's is true but some people are more lucky than others. Inspirations stays with them longer.

Greetings.

Fram Actual said...

I was beginning to think Kaya had abandoned me. Good, she has not.

Yes, White Bear is a fortunate fellow. He even has his own dog, a white one, of course. He will not tell me his dog's name, however. Apparently, it has to do with some superstition among bears of the far north.

I just lisened to the first song twice myself. If I were to list my five favorite songs ever in the rock genre, "White Room" would be among the group. Eric Clapton was a member of another band which performed another of my favorite five, "Layla."

Sometimes, I entertain myself by going to YouTube and listening to songs "now and then." I pick out a band, Cream, for instance, and watch/listen to it on stage presenting a song in the 1960s and then watch/listen to it performing the same piece today. It is both fun and educational (??) to explore people, places and things "now and then."

All I meant regarding American women vs. European women is that most American women have a background and experiences similar to my own, so I "know" them. European women come from different educational backgrounds, different customs, different political systems and have a variety of other life variations from my own. Therefore, from them I can learn about the world as it exists in forms other than those in my own personal experience.

I think two things about your writer friend: One, possibly he wishes to have an affair with you. Two, his book and his title are designed to grab attention and make money, rather than to say anything meaningful. Unless he has a medical/psychiatric background, I also would doubt he has anything relevant to put on paper after he has written down the title.

The concept, if he were serious, seems sort of funny actually, although the notion would make for entertaining discussion at a party. My own experience in this area is very limited, and I think I would prefer women who do not require counseling.

This business also reminds me of the strangest request I ever had from a woman. Maybe, I will write about it.

Wind said...

"love" vs. "intellectual compatibility."
Hmmmm...

Difficult subject!
I don't think is a connection between love and intelectual skills
at least not when you fall in love.
Love is something like a esoteric chemistry
which nobody can explain!
It is flying and falling, it is sorrow and joy, it is everything!
It can stay for a moment, a day, a year or it can last forever.
Depending on what? I don't know!

Well, I think also that when somebody is in love it doesn't matter from where the partner comes from. Antarctica, Bora -Bora or from the dark side of the Moon!
To be in love is a strange situation.
Ask Fram Teddy! He knows!

I will search for "Some Came Running" . 'Till then I will listen to Eric Clapton .
My best regards to all of you!

Fram Actual said...

Your comment about love started my mind whirling this morning, Wind. Your words caused me to write a third segment to a post I have running tonight. I think, maybe, I should write less when I post or start cutting them into multiple posts over multiple days. Hardly anyone reads long pieces anymore.

It often is said that we have no control over who we might fall in love with. It simply happens. In essence, I agree with that and have permanently posted on my page a piece I wrote some time ago called, "The Actual Instant of Love"

Despite the apparent spontaneity of love, people "search" for the "type" of person they think would be best suited to be their companion. One of the major themes in "Some Came Running" is that the protagonist more-or-less has a choice between unbridled love and intellectual compatibility. Like any great novelist, James Jones causes the reader to think and to wonder and to view the plot in terms of his/her own experiences and beliefs in life and love.

The question of personal happiness also enters the mix, so, obviously, there has to be a balance. So much of life centers around luck, fate, destiny -- simply being in the right place at the right time. I guess that is what happened to Fram Teddy and what has not happened to me -- at least, happened to me for longer than a brief and very temporary moment a few times along the way.

By the way, Wind, your last photo spread was timeless in some respects. The thought of a Nineteenth Century poet like Lord Byron or Percy Shelley hiking through the region was the first thought that entered my mind when I saw your rolling, Romanian countryside, and still has not left it.

Let us tour the Continent, Percy. Shall we?

Anita said...

Fram.Thank you for visiting me.
sorry about, well you know what..


i love most the photo of teddy bear in marine jacket sitting by the cliffs of Lake superiour--

Also the photo of you beside that battleship..wonder where that ship was going..

I dont know about love..i quess you all have right♥ ..

Please have a wonderful day Fram!

Fram Actual said...

I always visit you unless I am gone or you are angry with me, Anita. No need to thank me.

Yes, Fram Teddy Bear loves "big water." Now that he is in Europe, he hopes to vacation by the Baltic Sea.

The ship was not a battleship, but what was called an attack transport. It sometimes carried as many as 1,200 Marines, and went wherever it was sent. Its purpose was to patrol a coast line so the Marines could disembark by boat or helicopter to perform (usually nighttime or daybreak) hit and run raids. On this particular trip, it was on its way to the end of the earth. This is one of two photos I call "The Morning After."

Everyone knows about love, including you. It obviously has been part of your life in the past and, no doubt, will be again. Remember, patience is a viture.

Anita said...

hehheheeh...angry????..was not angry..but embarresed of my self showing so much privazy.

Thank you for beeing kind and understanding .


Very interesting about that marine transport boat....Have you ever posted something from that period?god i am totally into that time..war and rembrance..specially world war 2 and attach of pearl harbour and so on to.. watch movies from that time i learn alot of history.

:)

Fram Actual said...

I am always kind and understanding, Anita, and I like to tease a lot, too.

There are elements I have mentioned in posts now and then, things such as the "Hotel California" near San Diego; submarines coming out of the mist; sitting on the prow of this ship listening to music, seeing the full moon and thinking about all my tomorrows -- but, I hardly can recall when I wrote these things and I am not about to sit down and go through all my old posts looking for them.

If you wish to find them, you will have to look yourself .... sorry .... my assumption is that you would have read some of them when they appeared.

Cloudia said...

Cream CLASSIC!!!


Aloha from Waikiki;


Comfort Spiral
> < } } ( ° >



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Fram Actual said...

Absolutely, Cloudia. Among the best of the best ever.

Thank you, for your return to Fram's Neverland.

Something special ....