I have been a few places and done more than a few things in my life. I am pleased with occasionally saying (including in posts here) that I had done everything there was to do in one form or another, in one sense or another, by the time I was twenty-five. It is true.
There has come a point in my life where I wonder if any of it was worth it. Some people call this a mid-life crisis. Another thing I am fond of saying is that I have been experiencing mid-life crises every year since I was sixteen. Really. Sort of ....
True love, physical love: I really am not sure I ever have known the first; I have the second.
Death and destruction: In spades, so to speak. Multiple times for multiple reasons in multiple places.
Personal losses: Grandparents, parents, friends, a child, yes .... a former wife? That is one of the questions at the moment, which is a dilemma for several reasons.
Success and failure in business and work? Oh, yes. I have been at a peak a few times and fallen to the point where everyone and anyone I knew kissed me goodbye. I think, in most instances, we are alone .... completely alone in this life.
I could continue, but I think you get my point. Some people say I am too sarcastic. I suppose I am -- for them. I think, actually, I might be too realistic; I do not attempt to delude myself or others, or try to be "nice" to people simply to make them feel good about themselves. (I believe that is being a phony, and I am not among those kind, nor ever would want to be.)
I more than once have written in posts that I am looking for a woman who is attractive to me, who likes to talk/debate/argue/discuss books/films/politics/anything, but also one who is afraid of nothing and who will watch my back in any and every way you might imagine .... and never run away from anything, especially from me. (Annie Oakley, maybe ?? Joan of Arc ?? Bonnie Parker ??)
(As you finish this, remember, I wrote it more than a month ago. It might be "last call" before I disappear, in a manner of speaking.)
Still looking, as this year ends. This might not be the most appropriate post to end the old year and to begin a new one, but, remember .... well, think about it and draw your own conclusions: One of my "names" is curious; another is confused, and, probably always will be ....
Thinking about fear, I have mentioned before that I am the type who runs toward the sound of gunfire, not away from it, but we all have fears of one sort or another, and one of mine has been an inability to be completely open and honest with my companion when I have had one.
This has been a reiteration, not an introduction ....
Home is the sailor, home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill ....