Thursday, November 18, 2010

"Bug on a Cup" -- a self-portrait

This photograph might be entitled "The Self-Portrait." Why do I say this? Note the little fellow on the rim of the cup. His motion is not visible on a still photo but, believe me, he was absolutely intent on marching to a new and unknown destination.

When is enough enough?
I will let you know ....

Not being an entomologist -- or any sort of "ist" at the moment -- I am not certain of the proper identification of the "bug" in the photograph. If you did not notice him, he is to the lower left on the rim of the "soup bowl cup." Around here, proper name unknown, this little critter is called an Asian beetle or a "ladybug."

Four of them came to visit me a few days ago (actually, many more, but only four made it into the kitchen area). This particular guy (or gal) spent several hours walking round and round on the rim of a soup bowl cup. It seemed he never stopped. Just round and round. A few feet away, another ladybug was doing the same thing on the rim of a small plate. Round and round, where it stops, nobody knows, to borrow a phrase from roulette players.

This image could have been a self-portrait of my life, I thought as I watched him move and move, walk and walk, round and round. Then, I wondered if this is a habit or a trait of all living creatures. Is everyone and everything which is moving through life traveling only in a circle?

I am not thinking in a philosophical or religious context of traveling the cycle of life from birth to death but, rather, a literal sense of repeating the same steps over and over again throughout our lives: Enjoying the same victories, experiencing the same mistakes and defeats, being attracted to a single type of personality -- in which, the relationship is doomed to failure even as it begins. Well, you name it.

So, the exercise then becomes, how does one break free of this circular path? When is enough enough? How does one quit his endless march around the rim of his own personal soup bowl cup?

If I figure it out, I will let you know ....

Plans sometimes fall apart

Anyone who comes here (and actually reads here) knows one of my often-expressed desires is to spend no more winters alone. This aphorism was born during a particularly harsh winter while I was snowbound a few times for days at a time. Unfortunately, despite my more-or-less best efforts, I have found myself spending more winters alone than I have with a companion.

Plans for (most of) this winter with a companion have fallen apart due to a situation with requires my full time presence and attention for two months (?), hopefully, no more than three. But, my prospective companion has decided this is much too long to wait, and said, goodbye. Such is life.

So, now the question arises, what should become of me come the end of January, or February (god, I hope no longer), as the case might be? The world awaits but, you know, these days the world seems to be a lot like the rim of a "soup bowl cup" for me.


Kaya said...

Fram, you have strange "companions." This one particular feels very good being in your home.

I do walk sometimes in circle and I think I do it sometimes by habit. Habitual actions, habitual decisions and the same result.

I smiled with sadness when you said that it's self-portrait of your life. I thought what is my self-portrait? Of my life, of course. And did not come with an answer yet. You always bring interesting topics to think about. The world is the rim of a "soup bowl cup for me"... Do you know that many of us who want something more in life are always walking on the edge of knife? Or on a rim of a "soup bowl cup"?

Bon Jovi is good, especially this song. I listen to it and told myself, The begging of Thursday isn't bad at all.

You wrote an excellent post Fram.

Fram Actual said...

I might be one of the few people who actually likes bugs, and pretty much allows them to roam where they wish.

It seems to me most people, somewhere along the road of life, usually when they start raising a family, develop a lifestyle which literally becomes a rut in their road. Most seldom climb from it.

As for me, every few years I must remind myself to climb from the rut, although I always have been a nomad so the roads frequently change without conscious thought.

The problem, as I see it, is that no matter which road I decide to follow, it always seems to lead to the same places, hence, I always am traveling in a circle. Anyway, I am more puzzled now than I was when I wrote that post.

I think that I think to think more about this one, too. How is that for a sentence, Kaya?

And, yes, about Bon Jovi. He might not be a musical giant, but he is much more than a pretty face.

Kaya said...

Ok, I am not sure do I like bugs or not. i like ants and can watch them for hours. I don't know why but I am fascinated how hard they are working, always going somewhere.

You are a nomad, aren't you? I think it's not so easy to be a nomad and never was.

I think we seldom climb from a rut because we want security not even thinking that it doesn't exist. Not today and not tomorrow. And to climb from a rut you have to be brave and willing to take risks. Fram, it's difficult to do

Fram Actual said...

Pretty much, I am a nomad, Kaya. More than most people; not as much as some. I am getting to a point where I would like to perch somewhere for a year or two again. Life is easier and more pleasant with a base camp.

Some people simply enjoy the stability of living the same life day in and day out. I can handle it for a year or two, but then need to go on the move again for a while.

Even when I stay in the same region, I find myself moving periodically almost for the sake of simply doing it. In any case, I do not think anyone will ever catch up with me unless I want them to.

Something special ....