October is the cruelest month
I feel very sad tonight. Tonight and tomorrow night will be my last nights in the Lake House. Within a few days after moving here, I said I had fallen in love with this house. This is true. The only thing that did not make it a perfect house was its location. That is not the fault of the house, but it also is true. Even in dollars and cents that is true. Being on this side of the road, away from the lake side, means it is worth $250,000 less than it would be if it were across the road and right on the lakeshore. Everything has a value, rightly or wrongly.
Yes, in this case the difference between $650,000 and $400,000. Anyone care to make a bid?
This house does have life. I mean an actual life within itself, of its own. Of that, I am certain. There are many noises; some from the house still settling (it is only four years old); some from animation absorbed from those who have lived here or have visited here; some from the manitou of the house itself.
It actually has locked me out twice, well, three times, but the first was my fault. In the last two instances, unlocked doors became locked during the thirty or forty minutes I was outside walking in a meadow just up the hill behind the house. It wanted me to stay inside, and not to leave it even for a few minutes just beyond its doors. Or, maybe, it was angry at me for leaving it and was telling me not to come back. Who knows?
This evening, I went for a walk in the dark. It was the first time I have done that down the road which runs in front of the house during the two months that I have lived here. I have gone for a walk at night many, many times in the meadow just up the hill behind the house. I have stood there at times for a seemingly infinite moment, watching the stars, watching the moon -- listening for the sounds of the night and the creatures of the night, ready to growl back. It has been a good experience to do this.
Then, I returned to the Lake House and turned on every light I could find. It was the first time I have done that. Then, I returned to the road in front of the house with my camera and took a few photographs. Here, you see one. The upper room on the left, incidentally, is where I have had my computers and write these things to you. The upper room on the right has been the bedroom in which I have slept for the past two months.
On Sunday these things will end, and for one more time I will leave one place and move along to the next place. It seems like an endless walk, a road never traveled by anyone before me, with a destination I could not imagine no matter how hard I tried -- could not fathom even if I sold my soul for a mere hint, a simple clue. The end will be there waiting for me, probably laughing at me, hopefully welcoming me.
So, goodbye, October. Goodbye, Lake House. You see now? You believe me now? I told you October is the cruelest month.
The Deserted House
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Life and Thought have gone away
Side by side,
Leaving door and windows wide.
Careless tenants they!
All within is dark as night:
In the windows is no light;
And no murmur at the door,
So frequent on its hinge before.
Close the door; the shutters close;
Or through the windows we shall see
The nakedness and vacancy
Of the dark deserted house.
Come away: no more of mirth
Is here or merry-making sound.
The house was builded of the earth,
And shall fall again to ground.
Come away: for Life and Thought
Here no longer dwell;
But in a city glorious -
A great and distant city - have bought
A mansion incorruptible.
Would they could have stayed with us!
No song .... maybe, later .... maybe, not .... but ....Well, yes, I have found a song now, one from long ago that I think is beautiful and in which the lyrics are sort of appropriate to my own words in this post. I might add that whoever put together this video, I think, is cool and neat and shows significant, potential imaginative talent.
Now, if you would be kind enough to excuse me while I move from drifting in thought to rocking in real time. It is a night for a going-away party here, for a wake, for a last memory .... and, in the meanwhile, just close your own eyes and slip within the sound of the song .... it is a leap toward magic, you know ....