Sunday, August 29, 2010

From you, I get the story

There awaits a castle on a hilltop, but a chasm between me and it appears to be ever widening -- more and more and more ....

I ain't gonna live forever

I am not certain how many times I said words to this effect during the Winter, Spring and Summer of 2009:

I am writing here because I want to communicate some of my thoughts and opinions anonymously, to say what I think and feel and believe from behind a curtain. If something more should develop or evolve from it (meaning something romantic, in case you did not get it), so much the better.

Well, something romantic did occur. Depending upon how one defines the word love, I think I fell in love with a dozen women last year. Mostly for different reasons. They all had physical beauty, but were different in other ways -- meaning different talents, different skills, different interests.

But, that said, a few women had so many things in common I would swear they must have been twin sisters separated at birth. I am not certain if this is mere coincidence, or reveals something about types of personalities who are drawn to the sea of blogs. Whatever ....

If those words anger anyone, I sort of apologize, but I feel a need to be open about this.

This has been you. Now, me.

Who is me? Will the real me please stand up? Me Tarzan, you Jane.

I have discovered there are two distinct mes. Neither rules, neither dominates. Each is out in front at times, and they take turns being in charge.

Fortunately, for both of us, neither me is evil or even bad. We simply are different, and really not even friends. We think we might originally have been twins, but never separated and born into a single body.

This should have been obvious to anyone who actually reads what I write. I also have learned that not everyone who comes here actually does read me. Some use their imagination more than their ability to read. So, therefore, what do you -- yes, you -- do when you come here? Read, or day dream?

Think about it. I want to be in the woodlands or in a canoe on the river. I want to explore old, fabulous cities with historical relevance and treasures of art. Who is this guy? Daniel Boone or the Count of Monte Cristo?

Do you see where I am going with this? Well, I do not, other than to say I am not going to be chasing any illusive dreams or climbing any hilltops in search of castles -- at least, not for a while.

No house by a lake just now

In my last post, I mentioned a house by a lake near here that I was thinking about renting for September and October rather than traveling. Well, I looked at it on Friday and decided to pass on it. It literally was next door to the house I had rented and lived in for two years when I first moved back to Minnesota. That is too close to my past. Memories of the past are one thing, but waking up every morning to look out the window at reminders of the past is quite another.

So, my countdown has resumed. It will be interesting (for me, anyway) to discover what I actually will do and where I actually will go on Tuesday.

Music to match thoughts & moods

In the meantime, here are four very different songs to listen to and to think about -- if you are in the mood for music and for thinking. The first one has been playing in (or with?) my mind for a few days; the second one is for the inner and the outer beauty of women; the third one is the other part of me, which now seems to be rapidly retreating and apparently heading for hibernation; the fourth one is a piece of history, no less significant than the signing of the Magna Carta, as it was a centerpiece of an era in which the world began to turn upside down ....


TheChicGeek said...

Hi, Fram :)
You ask the question, "I want to be in the woodlands or in a canoe on the river. I want to explore old, fabulous cities with historical relevance and treasures of art. Who is this guy? Daniel Boone or the Count of Monte Cristo?"
You are both. Anyone who really listens to you, talks to you, would be able to see and understand that.
Love both of the guys. Each is a part of you that makes you special. Why not settle in a place that meets one or the other of those needs and travel to the other? Sounds simple, right? Not for Tatetob...that should be your indian name. It means "The Four Winds" in the Lakota language. You are a man of the winds. You are a free bird that longs for a nest but still needs to fly, to explore, to live, to be his own man.
You have an incredible mind and I believe that sometimes gets you in trouble. Your secret weapon :) It arouses the eros in the female of the species. Once that happens, women usually don't see the whole picture. We daydream about Prince Charming. It's the nature of our species...
It's important for us to really listen, to step back and to remember that people don't change. We must accept them for who they are, where they are. If we can do that we may just find true love, true happiness and joy. Sometimes that wisdom comes with age, sometimes not...LOL
Sometimes we need to retreat, and that is good too. Life will continue on it's cycle and the winds will blow you out of hibernation when you are ready.

I'm laughing because you just asked me a question on my page and here I am on yours :) We are in sync tonight...LOL

I do love all the songs, each an excellent choice for what I believe you are feeling.
I send you love from the west winds...
Love and a Big Hug,

And yes, I agree, the house sounds too close to the past. A new and brilliant road awaits you...give it time.
Now I will go answer your question on my page...LOL

TheChicGeek said...

Gorgeous picture too! Did you take it yourself? I hope so...that would mean you actually stood in that spot and saw it with your own eyes!!!

Kaya said...

Fram, if a castle is metaphor for expectations and life i can understand why its getting wider. If it's about dreams.....

" I think I fell in love with a dozen women last year. Mostly for different reasons." Fram, you are not lost, you are wonderful if it really happened to you in the past. I fell in love very often too, it is my nature. I fell in love because I admire somebody a lot, I fell in love because of a few words I heard from a person and they inspired me, I fell in love with creativity and openness, with intelligence. I can go on and on.... Of course, I can be disappointed later and upset but it doesn't really matter. What matters that I can feel.

Fram, you are not indifferent and that is so great. I believe that the worst thing in this life to be indifferent.

What is wrong to use imagination more than ability to read? Problem is that we never ever really will understand what a person tries to tell in his or her life story. That is who we are. We read and the next moment our beliefs and our domestication interpret it and the truth is distorted. We change somebody's story in our imagination or twist it according our beliefs, upbringing and I think that we never will understand each other completely.

The Count of Monte Cristo??? Good classical example of cynicism... That is where you are going..???? No, this is just a joke.

Kaya said...

Fram, Its me again. About the videos, they all are great as usual. i liked the Bon Jovi a lot and The Who See Me Feel....

Anonymous said...

I come in here to daydream, definitely.
Just as I walk into every day, daydreaming.

I mean, for all I know, you could be a robot, or the president of the United States. But, it doesn't really matter who or what you are, as long as your words, in one way or another, manages to inspire or touch me.

In stead of questioning the way people understand you, or which one of your "yous" they're noticing, maybe you could just be happy that they think they know YOU, and that what they think they know satisfies them in some way or another?

Actually, I don't really aggree with myself on that speech, seeing as to me it's significantly important that people understand what I mean, and who I am. However, I do feel that in this aspect, (as mentioned above) it can be hard not to misunderstood or misinterprent things because of our individual ways of reading things.

What I know is, at least (and this is the end of my rant, promise) that sometimes your posts cheers me up, makes me think or simply moves me somehow, and somedays on the contrary they're just posts. Nothign negative, just neutral.

So... maybe that's the drill.
I like both the Count and that Boone guy (have no idea who he is though)-

- and they both touches something in me at times.

Fram Actual said...

No, no photography by Fram this time, Kelly. I am not even certain the picture of the castle is a photo. Is it? It might be an illustration.

Tatetob ?? Four winds ?? I think you are trying to tell me that I am windy. All right, I am teasing. But, you know, I almost got a tattoo while prowling "Dago" a number of years ago. It was a globe with the four points of the compass on it. I wanted it on the back of my hand. I really liked it and would have gotten it, but did not have the patience to give up the time it would have taken to create it.

You made many good points in your epistle. I think I will try to keep these thoughts in mind as I walk and talk with people in the future. I think you know life very well, and see inside people very well.

Finding two or three places to live part of each year, as you mentioned and as I wrote about in a recent post, probably is the solution -- at least part of the solution. There remains my very real need for a companion.

Incidentally, my plans for the next two months are now complete (more-or-less). I leased a house this afternoon, by a lake, and will write more about it in a day or two.

Fram Actual said...

The castle is literal in the sense that I want a fortress on a hill by a river or a lake, Kaya. I had something like that once upon a time, and want to have it again -- at least, I think I do, but not for a few years yet.

One of my former wives once told me that I fell in and out of love too easily. I am not certain if she was right or simply unhappy with me for having an occasional woman as a good and great friend. One of the writers I admire immensely, Ernest Hemingway, wrote that a man and a woman could not be good friends without also becoming lovers. I disagree with him on that point, and know it to be incorrect from personal experience. Perhaps, that simply is because I do see people as people, not as objects.

The only individual or band among those I posted which I actually have seen in live concert is "The Who." It was one of my favorite memories, and part of a magical week back during a time when I "owned" Minneapolis/St. Paul.

By the way, I think you display significant wisdom in your analyses of life. One of my goals is to completely understand another person, but I believe you are correct, and that it never can be that way.

Fram Actual said...

You sound like I frequently do, Nanna. I understand why people see this and think that, but I sometimes wish they would take another step or two inside of my mind for greater understanding.

Yes, and I repeat again, communication is the most difficult task of life because of our individual, unique ways of seeing and understanding the world, and due to the differences between the environments in which we have been raised and educated.

As for you personally, if some of the stuff I write gives you a good feeling and creates a smile on your face, then I am very glad you found time to stop by and to read. Somewhere along the line, that always is a hope among all of us, I think. Maybe, even though I, Fram, write for myself, maybe, it will give someone else a moment of happiness or a feeling of togetherness.

Daniel Boone, by the way, was, possibly, the greatest American frontiersman in the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries. You should read a bit about him sometime, if you want a taste of actual American history.

TheChicGeek said...

Epistle? Grrrrrrrrrrrr, grrrrrrrrrrrr, and double grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. :)

TheChicGeek said...

And congratulations on the house :)
Now with another Grrrrrrrrrrr and a good kick to the head I depart........
Smiling :)

Fram Actual said...

I keep saying communication is a difficult task. Do you believe me?

Whatever you do, Kelly, do not read the comment I just left on your most recent post.

TheChicGeek said...

Thank you for the nice comment on my page.
Communication is a difficult task, and yes, I believe you. I don't want to sound preachy...God, I hate it if that's how I sound. I just try to respond honestly.
You always make me think and that is what I have always loved about you. That part of you does touch me in a special way that I appreciate. You are complicated, Fram.
So now I will kiss your boo-boo and quietly tip-toe away :)

Sending you love on the winds...

PS: I am very, very happy you have found a plan you feel good about...truly, I am.

Fram Actual said...

I meant, you wrote a super piece, hopefully, to be read by many and, hopefully, appreciated by many and, hopefully, absorbed by many ....

No growls necessary in this instance ....

By the way, this is just a two-more-month plan that I have now. I will leave it to the socialists in the White House to come up with the historical, traditional Communist five-year plans ....

Whoops !! Did I say that ?? It must have been Fram the First at the keyboard ....

TheChicGeek said...

Thank you. :)
And, Fram the First...I like that guy...LOL
See you later, Aligator!

Fram Actual said...

I am back, Kelly. I think I am, anyway, but do not quote me.

It is difficult to live here. I am certain you have heard of the "Three Faces of Eve." Well, I only have one face, but whenever I turn my back, Benny and White Bear are at the keyboard sending out notes and buying guns and ordering books. It is a real mess. Perhaps, it will be better at the lake.

To make matters worse, sometimes Peter Pan and Jimmy Barrie hook up with Fram the First, and then stop by when they are out bar hopping. Then, it is necessary to hide the computers.

By the way, have you seen the film, "Finding Neverland," Kelly? I cry at a certain point in the movie every time I watch it, but movies and books and other people were only meant to affect emotions, were they not? What other purpose could there be for movies and books and people?

Yep, I am in a good mood ....

TheChicGeek said...

You are back and happy...this is a good, good thing :)
And yes, I loved the Three Faces of Eve. Great movie! An oldie but a goodie :)

As for Peter Pan, Jimmy Barrie and Fram the First, most definitely hide the computers from those guys! LOL

Fram Actual said...

Yes, Kelly .... the three musketeers are a nuisance at times ... but, anyone who believes in Neverland and is able to find his way through the forest in the dark must be worth the turmoil ....

Anonymous said...

Hia is alot of love in the air!!:))Have you fallen in love again?that is very good...Anita likes that!!

I come here to talk about that photo.Did you steal it or what..looks so familiar to me...In fact it is just like the home of Ole Bull(norwegian writer)an hour from my is an very pleasant place..!!you know..castles can be found in real life and love is just around the next corner.!!:))

And I do agree.We are the actors in your play..your story..arent we?

The storie of Fram.And his life.

Well it will be exiting to hear some cyber news from your hibernation..although i dont belive in that hibernation of yours..i think you are to fond of talking and beeing with people.right?..

If you want me to read your future.Just sit there and pick a card.I will see you in the dreams.Bye!!:))

Fram Actual said...

According to some, I always am in love and, according to others, I never am in love.

I will take your word about castles and love being just around the next corner, Anita, and keep looking with every step I take. And, yes, we all are actors in each others' stories. And, yes, I am fond of talking and being with people.

Now begins my last night in this, my temporary townhouse. Tomorrow will be my first night in my new, temporary house. I am curious to find out if there will be dreams in either place on these two nights.

Anonymous said...

Some dreams or visions are strong and can not be mistaken..others are more diffuse and shaded and speaks with alot of different tonguues..but dreams are not so important..what is important is what feeling you take with you to the experience..For me I think the sadness sofly goes sand on the and out of the water..Souls will be filled with exitment,love and lighter high speed..Many new things are too come..Relax and enjoy!!..If you have any dreams I would be happy if you share them with us.. ..Only thing that matters is that you are happy ok?!Bye,Bye!:)

Fram Actual said...

During the first night I slept in this house, last night, my Tuesday night, I had a dream about it and about awaking in it in the morning, which, of course, was long before actual morning. I am not sure I made clear what I meant. Anyway, I will write about it in a few days, I think.

Remember, Anita, for me, happiness is momentary.

Something special ....