Tuesday, July 27, 2010

No news, but I feel like talking (writing)

The Winter in Warsaw still is heavy on my mind. (Why would it not be?) I miss it, for the most part. This is a photograph from back then. It was a snowy, cold night, we were listening to music and drinking wine in The Apartment, and I sort of hung out of the third-floor window to shoot this scene. This was Piwna Street as it existed for a moment in time about midnight in the middle of February. The tailor's shop, the jewelry shops, the cathedrals, the delicatessens, the palaces, the restaurants, the antique shops, the pizza places, that I was in the midst of line the street only a few steps away from me. It came to me a while ago that I keep referring to The Apartment as my apartment. It was "our apartment," an apartment for two, for a few months. Anyway, I do miss it and am drawn to the snowy, cold Winter of Warsaw, and feel compelled to return in order to understand my attachment .... or, perhaps, to find another place which might become magical for me next Winter. Berlin, maybe. Oslo, maybe. Moscow, maybe. It must be in the North where it is snowy and cold. Any thoughts?

The nature of love

That I have been spending too much time alone the past three months is not an exaggeration. It is partially by choice, partially by fate, if that makes any sense at all.

From the "by choice" part of the ledger, it is sort of like fasting but, in this instance, I am purging my mind rather than my body. From the "by fate" side of the equation, it falls under the category that "you can’t always get what you want," to quote Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.

One day about the time I was passing on my way from age seventeen to age eighteen, I promised myself that I would experience everything in life there was to experience. Of course, I had no idea at the time that the human psyche is not very well equipped to handle every experience life has to offer.

Also, at the time, I had little notion that I would already have accomplished (if accomplished is the correct word to use in this case) that promise to myself in one form or another by the time I had reached age twenty-five.

This does not mean, naturally, that I had been to the moon or even had climbed Mount Everest, but it does mean I had known life, death, love, deceit, betrayal, exhilaration, nirvana, despair and the highest mountains and the deepest seas of human emotion through experience. These things were accomplished by living in momentary modes = never staying in the same places doing the same things with the same people for too long a period of time. What most people do over years in the passage of time, I often did in days or weeks or, sometimes, months.

Frankly, I do not believe the sins of the father follow the son, or in karma or in predestination. On this point, I would argue against anyone who considers destiny or fate as synonymous with karma, for I think free will -- free choice -- is what determines our destiny. Yes, once more I am back to Robert Frost and "two roads diverged."

My destiny depends upon which road I choose, as does your destiny rely upon your selections. In the past, my choices largely have centered around my wishes and my goals and my desires. Most of us who are alone or even who have a companion but are unhappy with our lives, I believe, are that way because we dwell too much on ourselves. Such individuals (we) are not willing to live for someone else as much we live for ourselves.

It could be that I finally have realized one element to life I have yet to experience -- that element being to live as much for another as I live for myself.

Does this describe you, too?

To quote Mick and Keith once again: "But if you try, sometimes, well, you just might find you get what you need."

A couple more random thoughts ....

(1) All the videos in this post are from Maurice Bejart's "Ballet for Life," a piece celebrating the lives of singer Freddie Mercury and dancer Jorge Donn, both of whom died from AIDS. Bejart set the ballet to music by Queen and W.A. Mozart, and the choreography was performed by his dance company. The videos here are from performances in 1997. If you were in the right place at the right time to see this ballet, consider yourself blest. Even on tape, it is something special.

(2) Surely, there are women in the world who are more concerned about who they live with and how they live rather than where they live. Am I wrong?

(3) There still is time to make it to the Lake Okojobi concert .... hint, hint .... later, baby ....

(4) Speaking of concerts, I received an email commenting about how lucky I will be to have attended two in two weeks. Actually, it will have been three in four weeks. I also went to a concert featuring Styx, Foreigner and Kansas in Minneapolis back on July 1. I have been in a nostalgic mood in more ways than one this summer.


Anonymous said...

At last Mr....Fram...we cn post!!!
Your music is beautiful!!!I steal them to my site in FB ..ok..?!They LOVE it..
I am not sure if whom you ask the questions?Sometimes i feel it is me..but that can not be true.you are writing a book true?And we are the players the actors?It is a beautiful picture from Warscava in winter..I adore winters!!Feel a little sad because you miss your sweetheart so much..!!she must be a PRINCESS!!!!...Why did it go wrong?..how can any woman leave a man like you?I hope it will turn out good .for you.Love and affection your friend anita

Fram Actual said...

Well, Anita. It is as I have said in the past: If it were not for your presence, I generally would not know whether anyone has been here. So, a very big "thank you" for commenting.

My music is your music.

When I ask questions, I am hoping anyone who reads my words will make a comment. And, I do really appreciate it when you respond to them. I always have had a great curiosity about what people think and why they think the way they do. That is one reason I was a reporter for a few years, and a damn good one, I might add, because I am sincerely interested in knowing people as individuals.

Yes, I am working on a book, while also gathering notes and ideas for others. We shall see how things go.

Yes, She is a princess. However, I am not a prince, merely a knight ....

Anonymous said...

So.You are not the frog becoming a prince!!:))))))Take time..fram..give her time..and she will miss...You know how it is to miss something you loved ..In the meantime.while you are waiting your answer.you can have alot of fun with all the others good people in the world..I think you are a king..the king of hearts!!

Iwill try to answer your questions from now on..but i hate talking about myself..i prefer an anonymyus style..here today..gone tommorow,,be happy for the time we share.now..Goodnight Fram.(is your real name Jack or something?)thank you for coming to my home..my blog..see you tomorrow!!Kiss

Fram Actual said...

I think I will refrain from making a comment about being the "king of hearts." At least for now.

Your name, she asks?

You bring to mind Juliet's question in William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet:"

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

No, my name is not Jack. I seriously have been thinking about legally adding the name "Fram" to my own. It would be a simple, inexpensive thing to do in America. I am tempted to tell you my actual name, Anita, but that would also mean telling it to anyone who comes here and I always have described myself as being a very private man who reveals few indentifying specifics. So, I will remain silent.

In answer to your earlier question about the coyotes and the house, that was in South Dakota. Even mountain lions have been seen following the Missouri River to the area where I lived. In places like northern Minnesota and Michigan, Montana and Wyoming, you might still encounter wolves. I have, twice, in Michigan.

Anonymous said...

More haste, less speed.............................................................

Fram Actual said...

Right on ....

Anonymous said...

Dont worry..i know your name..But that is not interesting..interesting is why people likes to be a tree..a flower..a animal..ect ect..then we can talk !!!I dont take trees to seriously..but a person thats shows his real..that one I respect!!Have a nice day handsome!!:)))))))have to do some running and running..to much of everything is not good for the end
Hope to see some more nice pictures from your life..BIG KISS

Anonymous said...

I adore your life ,past. now and FUTURE..!!:))))))))))))

Fram Actual said...

Well, once again, thank you for the compliments and the kiss, Anita.

In my two encounters with wolves, by the way, I believe they could understand my thoughts and feelings, and I was able to interpret theirs through their actions. I think we actually spoke to each other. Things like this are fascinating to me.

In terms of the world beyond human-kind, I feel most comfortable and safe in water, and most particularly in or on Lake Superior. I believe in the Native American concept of Manitous -- in which not only animals have spirits, but plants and even inanimate things like rocks and bodies of water. I think the Manitou of Lake Superior and my own are old friends.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree..you certainly have read carlos castaneda...the books are good but the author had great problems..I saw the documentary about him..thank god you are not angry..actually your letters in your name pops up when i wanted to do something on your site..just as you know..Why are you leaving that beautiful country?you wishes to leave..I wish to go to america..for a year..I feel more and more connected to the place..I have beeen to spain where my father comes from..I do the language very good..now it is time to visit my mothers land..I must do it.goodnight Fram the great man ever. May all your dreams come true and you get your little princess!!:)

Anonymous said...

May the source be with us!!!!
And all good spirits.

everything has a reason when you finelly choose

Fram Actual said...

I am not familiar with the work of Carlos Castaneda, but I will do a bit of research, Anita. You have made me curious.

No, no, no -- the name you see is not my name.

I do not wish to leave America forever, or I would have done so before now. But, I no longer feel comfortable in the political climate which now exists and disapprove of the societal collapse the country is experiencing. My own prediction is that another civil war is on the horizon. I could easily split my year between two or three countries. Before you left your comment, I had already written a paragraph or two about this matter which will appear in my blog tomorrow.

Your father is from Spain and your mother American? You must elaborate on that sometime.

Yes, may I get my little princess.

Yes, may all good spirits accompany we who meet and mingle here.

Anonymous said...

To understand Castaneda..you have to expand your brain!!you can do it by drugs or alot alot alot of meditation.I see.I knew it all the time.you will never leave america.And that is good.Iam hppy about that.Because it is your country.Me myself belongs to 3 countries by heart..To have so mmuch fascinating blood in the wains sure is complicated sometimes.I think I want to spend 2-3 weeks every year outbroead.Now Iam longing for Cyprus and the warmth down there.If i where you..go to Berlin.Ihave many friend s from my work from there.It is a great city.You can always take holidys in the other ones.Or go back to Warschava.Go for a relationship or take her back with you to the usa..thats a good idea.

Fram Actual said...

Well, no drugs for me, Anita, and I have my own form of meditation. In a general sense, it is merely will power and determination and, to a degree, astral projection -- no breathing exercises or self-induced trances or sitting in awkward positions for me. To each, his/her own.

It is not impossible that I would leave America for good someday, but I do not see it in the near future.

Yes, Berlin, maybe. I had wanted to go there for a long weekend while I was in Warsaw, but things did not work out. I think who you are with is far more important than where you live. It is easy to travel; it is difficult to find someone to share your life with and to be content.

By the way, you actually think that I did not ask the princess to come to America with me when I decided to return for a while? She and I both have a stubborn streak.

Rachael Cassidy said...

I am here. I am reading. This is taking some time to digest. We have parallel thoughts. The ink on my arm; it says "Hope is the thing with feathers..." Emily Dickinson.

I am returning after the sun sets to read more, respond, maybe write some of my own. You inspire me.

Fram Actual said...

Well, thank you, for the nice words, Rachael, and welcome back. It has been a long while ....

Something special ....